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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Jealousy....*self pitying ahead*

Has there been times when you just feel unexplained wave of jealousy toward someone? Well, I'm experiencing that after looking at Angela Baby's Xanga site.

This is she:

I know she's GORGEOUS, I know she's famous, I know she's richer than a motherfucker, AND I know that she has a killer bod. I know there's no reason for me to be jealous because I know I will NEVER look like her. However, I'm SO unrationally jealous of her. Because she's pretty, she got to be a model and make a lot of money. I used to think that looks aren't everything, but recent events have changed that.

My boyfriend's sister (Sam) who just turned 18 got into UF. She got in because her BF's step-grandpa is a huge benefactor to the school. He donated millions and millions of dollars to our school, so he's on the Board of Trustees. Even though she won't admit it, I know Sam is dating that guy b/c of the grandpa connection. Her mom helped her out a lot, giving her tips on how to flirt with the guy and make nice with his family. Her bf's mom told Sam's mom that she got in weeks before the result came out, and of course, she got in. However, she didn't tell anyone about this connection thing. Her mom told everyone that Sam got in b/c of her grades (which is decent, but not amazing).

One thing about Sam is that she's striking. She used to be a model, and still models occasionally. She's petite (size 00) and very A&F. She has blond hair, blue/gray eyes, and perfect lips. Because of those characteristics, she's had guy after guy, and people always revolve around her, especially her mother. My bf's mom is always spending $$ on Sam, hair appointments, shopping trips, going out to eat (Who the fuck spends $2o on PF Chang's to bring lunch to her daughter in highschool?), flying her everywhere to meet cute guys....etc. However, when it comes to my BF, it's always "Money is a little tight right now", well it won't be if you freakin' saved some!!

I had to work my ass off to get to where I am, but all she needed to do was to flirt with some guy and now she's in. I used to take comfort in the fact that I'm the brainy one and she's the pretty one, but now she's apparently gorgeous AND intelligent. I've got NOTHING. Sam and Angela Baby both are the kind of people that are naturally gorgeous. They don't need makeup nor expensive clothing to look amazing. I need to spend 30 minutes doing makeup alone. I was brought up under my mom's influence that we should always choose brains over brawn, but nowadays, I'm not sure anymore.

Let's be honest, when you are gorgeous, things come so much easier, wealth accumulates faster, and life in general is just a lot happier. I know it's silly for me to be jealous over these things, but lately my life has been so hectic that sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I were prettier. I'm just rambling on now, it's almost 2 in the morning, and I've been up for more than 18 hrs, and I think I'm hallucinating.

However, I think if I lost some weight, I will look a little better. My skin will probably clear up without all the junk in my body, my hair will be more luscious, my body will be amazing, and maybe, just maybe, my life will be easier. Maybe, if I were skinner, blunt bangs will look amazing on me; if I were skinner I can wear $3 clothes and still look sizzling; if I were skinner, jobs will be easier to find. I've never been skinny, and maybe, just maybe, this year I will be.

My starting weight: 150lbs
My Goal Weight: 110 lbs
My starting time: 2/23/09
My Goal Time: 11/19/09
Duration: 9 months

I don't think this will be hard. 40lbs in 9 months? That's like 5 lbs a month. I think I can make it. I need your support girls, I will update this blog (hopefully) daily to keep myself on track...OR I can have a new blog dedicating to diet (which I think is actually better). So, anyway, stay tuned for more.

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.


Elisa said...

Let me just commiserate and cheer you on in you goal at the same time.

I've felt the same way whenever I saw average-height ladies (I'm 4'9"), unfortunately there's no diet to get taller. haha... SO I'LL CHEER YOU ON! GO, GIRL!

Nu Nu Doll said...

Being gorgeous is so not everything, but I can relate to the way you feel. I went to the most prestigious prep school (high school) in my state, and it seemed like all the abercrombie and fitch looking girls got away with everything... It's alright to compare, because every girl does it. Don't let it get you down though! For what it's worth, I think you are really beautiful. You already have something more than what your bf's sister doesn't have: a long term loving relationship. It sounds like she ping pongs from guys to guys to guys. That isn't very fun, trust me I've been through it. Keep your head up Tao!

Loosing weight shouldn't be too hard for you. Last year I lost 50 lbs, by just eating right, and running on the treadmill.

Good luck Tao! Have a great day, and get some sleep, you must be exhausted!!!


Nanzy said...

I believe in your inner beauty, Tao...because those gorgeous face will fade in years (well..I don't think Botox is part of beauty anyway), so be happy =)

btw I nominated you the Triple Awards ^^

mascara whore said...

ohangelababy ~! the hk model
gahh she's gorgeous..

mascara whore said...

did i mention she had a crap load of plactis surgery ><"

Citrine said...

Hey Tao (I first saw you in etianshi by the way):

Yeah... Angelababy is pretty cute...

I don't think you look fat at all...I meant even after the "10 lbs" from the camera...Or you actually need to spend 30 minuts everyday to "fake the beauty"...

Of course, I am not opposed to exercise...but I think there might be a natural threshold that people can lose weight further than the healthy limits just by starving myself...But if you think your goal is actually right for your body, then go for it.

ilovewendydarling said...

I know what you mean. In Korea it's like that everywhere. One of the main reasons that Koreans ALL have surgery one way or the other is that they need it for their lives, literally. You need to be tall, pretty, and smart to get a job now-a-days over there.

My own cousin admits it because she couldn't find a job even after graduating from college! Only after her nose job and eye lid surgery, did she get hired in no time.

I guess the world is just a shallow place but, it's not everything. Beauty is not one standard. I mean, in a part of Africa, to have many tattoos on the face is considered "beauty" and hey, it works for them.

I think that a lot of beautiful girls are now second guessing themselves way too much!:(


And have you seen AngelaBaby before her surgery? Talk about a big mouthed puppet! Also, she can't help but to look enhanced and more attractive because well, she has pro make up artists all around her and she probably has an awesome photo editing team.

I think you are perfect the way you are:)

Anyhow, I'll stop with my rant:)

Take care and talk to you soon then<3

Anonymous said...

Ugh, don't let that girl bring you down. You're GORGEOUS!

That Angela Baby whatevertheheck she is got a lot of plastic surgery done. Check it out:

Anonymous said...


you should stop spending time looking at other people and focus on what makes you happy because that, is what ultimately makes one beautiful.

lilaznktty said...

aww Tao!! I think we all understand what you're saying, but you're such a gorgeous person!! And I'm not only referring to your inner beauty, but your outer beauty as well. :) Don't let things like this get you down. Outer beauty doesn't last forever. And I can't imagine relationships lasting too long if they were based on looks either. But you will always have us.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for awhile (I'm from MUA) and uh, what are you talking are gorgeous!! If anyone is going to benefit from being pretty, it's you! You have features other Asian girls would love to have. You just can't see it b/c...well, everyone is critical of themselves. Plus, you have other great qualities, such as writing skills. Instead of putting other people down, just remember that you are one of the privileged :). I mean it! And in the end, no matter how you look, you have to be competent (for a job)! Brains of beauty is good, and having both, as you do, is even better!

You are fine the way you are! And remember, you have a bf who loves you!

haha, sorry for the lecture, but don't feel bad!

SexxyStarr said...

tao are a beautiful woman. dont compare youself to anyone. especially if it will bring you down.

i support you on your weight loss goal and i will be cheering you on all the way. i've set a similar goal for myself too. if u want, we can work on reaching our goal together

eva said...

Hi, I'm a bit new to your blog but I wanted to comment on this post because I totally understand how you feel (and I don't want to study for my bio midterm at the moment...).

It seems like Angelababy defines the saying "Girls want to be her, and guys want to be with her". Yeah sure, a lot of people will tell a girl that she is beautiful the way she is, and that she shouldn't change herself for other people. That's not wrong...just too idealistic. Like your bf's sister, if a girl is beautiful, everything in life seems to be in closer reach.

I would have to somewhat disagree with saying that Angelbaby has an amazing body. She has a skinny model's body but she has nothing on Gisele Bundchen. If you look more closely in her pictures, she has a disturbing amount of collar bone protruding from her small frame. This adds to why her facial features are so defined -because she is so skinny. Another example would be Fei, I remember reading on an old blog post that she has gone down to double digits, and if you look at her FOTDs her cheek bones are way more defined than before.

Anyways, I just wanted to give you some support on your goal but I hope you don't lose sight of all the good things you have going on in your life. Your boyfriend seems awesome and you make-up skills are wow. :]

(FYI Angelababy went Japan to take make-up classes)

Elisa said...

Aww.. I wish you didn't feel that way. =T I think the best thing to do is to remember to be thankful for what you do have. Deep Breath and let go of all negative feelings. When it is time all things will come as they are meant to. Patience!! =)

eclectic.satire said...

hey Tao, i think you look gorgeous the way you are. I read angelababy's blog too and ya, sometimes i do envy her and all. however, she might not be happy with her life even though she might have everything in the world.

i know this sounds cliche and all, but happiness and health are the two most impt things in life.

i hope you are losing weight for yourself and not because of what society wants us women to look like. you can lose tons of weight, but still be unhappy with yourself.

we are just human. we will forever find faults with ourselves. however, we can't let it take control of our lives.

cheer up pretty lady. all the best with your weight loss regime.

by the way, my personal trainer says to eat 4-5 (small, healthy) meals a day and get at least 8 hrs slp. no food after 10pm, just water unless you are like starving then some warm milk is fine. occasional treats are okay and recommended. sounds weird and tough, but it really works. do give it a try! of course, you have to exercise at least 3 times a wk too. (:


Jamilla Camel said...

Hi Tao,

I'm 51, was a kawaii babe AND have a high IQ (I'm a chartered accountant, ha ha ha), so I have some observations to make...

1. Invest in brains. I'm glad I did! Beauty doesn't last forever, and it's really sad to see those "babes" tossing their hair around men when they're completely past it. It's a cliche, but it's brains that will win the day.

2. Plastic surgery is not the way to go. My mother has had at LEAST 3 face lifts, and you get that unnatural look very quickly, not to mention with help from Botox and fillers. AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE. I've had 1 IPL treatment at 50, and I am sooooooooo glad I've never done plastic surgery.

3. You have a beautiful, unique face. I love your cheekbones. Don't be a plastic dolly! You have a man who loves you for you and that's worth more than any money or attention you get from being a plastic babe.

4. You ARE NOT FAT. If you want to lose weight only for mild cosmetic reasons, I will cheer you on. Focus on healthy--you don't want to end up with osteoporosis from starving yourself.

5. Let's see how dolly girl does in 20 years, when she's probably divorced two times and panicking because she's lost her looks. Not the way to go.

You go girl!! You are on the right track and DO NOT get depressed or jealous...time is on YOUR side.

jojoba said...

she is not pretty just skinny and cut. and she is not famous as i didn't know her till you posted her pix. so take that!

and you are not fat and that is a lot of weight to lose. i hope you are not over doing it. good luck on your weight lost plan and stop looking at those pictures.

she is cute but not gorgeous and she won't have this cuteness for long. trust me.

jessie said...

head up girl ! you can do it! Remember to keep us posted~!

Miu said...

heyy i don't think you need to lose weight! u r already sexy the way u are! sticky is out!

ChanelBlueSatin said...

being a model isn't all that actually..because i'm a model and it's an empty job. moneys good but the job leaves you feeling nothing. you're basically a monkey being told what to do.

people may have looks now, but when they get older..they won't have any of that to live off of then what? they'll be ugly and brain-less.

Atleast you'll still have your inner beauty and brains.

Grass is always greener on the other side.

Hope you feel better, girl!

~Mel said...

u can do it Tao!!! honestly if not just being more healthier! u get more energy and more alive when you're at a good weight... not too skinny but a good healthy weight. but honestly, those ppl can never be as happy or fulfilling bc it'll all be superficial and instant gratification to them. they can never be independent and strong so i think u should count yourself lucky that u aren't one of them. u are your own woman and strong and that's what i like about you!!! hehee.. we need more asian women like us who aren't afraid to back down and have mouths to voice our opinions! so go girl! i'm behind you to a healthier you. =)

eclectic.satire said...

Awww, thanks Tao for visiting my blog and the compliments! :D

You made Keera and I very happy. Hehe.

Let you in on a secret, I'm actually jealous of you. I wish I could apply makeup like you. Your skills are awesome!

And ya, Angelababy had loads of plastic surgery. I mean she had to, ya know? :P

加油 with the weight loss! (: Though I honestly think you don't need to lose any. Oh, please please don't become stick thin like Angelababy.


Annie said...

I also want to do the same thing - except down to only 120-125. There's a history of diabetes in my family, so I just want to be as healthy as possible.

Some girls are totally healthy and active at 180, but I know my body will feel better when I shed some pounds. (GAWD, at least I wanna climb 6 flights of stairs without running out of freakin' breath. SWEET jesus!)

evynoppie said...

I don't think Angela Baby is pretty!!! And I think she is too skinny! Size 00 is never pretty, but it is okay if it is natural (e.g. someone who does not gain weight eventhough she eats tons of food). I don't even know if we have an equivalent of size 00 here in Holland.

Anyway, I think you are more beautiful than Angela Baby! Just be who you are and do what makes you happy!

Anonymous said...

Size 00?? I've been a size 00 before and let me tell you it's BETTER to be a size 3! I feel more womanly and my BF love it! hehe Plus being that skinny make you sick sometimes.

Why do you think he cheek bones are so nice? It's b/c she's super skinny! As I gained more weight my face got more rounder but I'm happy with how my body turned out.

Girl, you are sooo pretty. You're facial features are so unique and I wish I knew how to do makeup as well as you do. You have a good heart and you're smart. In the end beauty fades.

fuzkittie said...

Tao, just do whatever makes you happy. I'm not going to tell you that you SHOULDN'T look up to others, or have goals, because everyone should have goals! It's okay to be jealous sometimes, jealousy often motivates people! I'm sure you can do it, Tao! :]

Leslie Yang said...

take it from me when i say that looks will fade.

me being a princess snob and i do care about my looks. but last month i developed a horrible rash all over my body, i mean i could not wear low cut tops and i had to cover up. it was hard for me esp. since i live in florida too. i really did not feel beautiful anymore, i thought to myself that this is how it feels to lose the beauty.

BUT luckily i have an amazing husband who said he loved me no matter what.

if you think you got it bad now, worse can happen!

btw you can lose that much, i went from 165lbs in oct 2007 to 135 in feb 2008. i worked out twice a day which equals 40min, ate small portioned meals. you have to lear how to say NO!

i personally think you're a good looking girl, and being healthy is the main key, not skinny.

Anonymous said...

hey, just to let you know your pretty gorgeous yourself.

plus as someone said earlier she has had plastic surgery numerous times, and she does not look as good as her photos in real life. shes quite plain looking.

but good luck on your goal! and you are beautiful.

P-ham said...

First of all, you are gooorgeous^_ Yes angelababy is very pretty.. but if I had the choice, I would just be regular old me.. I would never trade what I have (esp my bf that I luuuuv) for all her beauty/fame/fortune! Man there will ALWAYS be someone out there prettier/richer/smarter.. and yes they do get more benefits b/c of those things--but dude what's so special about that?! You're smart and you worked hard to get where u are, that takes a helluva whole lot more than being born looking like a model! I feel sorry for people like ur bro's sis, cuz if I had a daughter, I would want her to be the total opposite.. like any of you gorgeous, smart, funny, and just plain awesome beauty bloggers that I read up on every day^_^ Trust me, those other girls just aren't that special!

JennY said...

don't be jealous of Angelababy... she had plastic surgery... her look is just not normal for Chinese... so don't be jealous!

CAMELLIA said...

I feel the same way, but beauty isn't everything. It won't last you long either. Cheer up though (= I'm trying to lose weight too, but you don't need to! But it's good to be healthy (= &you're gorgeous inside and out (: so smile &be happy<3

Miss imperfect said...

come on don't think like that your beautiful, everyone is different and that's what makes us unique. i grew up being made fun of and now i learned that if i don't love myself no one will. YOU AND GORGEOUS FOR BEING YOURSELF AND NEVER LET ANYONE SAY OTHER WISE

hun Put a smile on =]

Anonymous said...

Angelababy looked like a freak even after her surgery. A girl with lots of work done on her face? They only look better after surgery. Trust me, you are beautiful. You know what? I can't go on a day without watching your video because you are just so adorable. Im sorry if I sounds scary, lol. You can look better than those plastic surgery addicts out there. They are nothing, we can look as good as the gorgeous celebrities but some of us chose to look naturally beauty instead of picking out plastic surgery as an option. When I saw those ladies with fake boobs, its just disgusting and they made themselves look like they are desperately to look hot and sexy. Eww...

Cheer up Tao! You know you are cute! You made me jealous too when I watch your videos because you're too adorable!


angie519 said...

How tall are you? I'm 5'6 and usually between 111-114. If you're much shorter than I, you don't wanna be 110. It won't be proportional, and it's not nearly as healthy and beautiful as you are now!

I do agree that looks can make things much easier. There are advantages, but at the same time you of course don't wanna be all beauty and no brains. Pride yourself on the fact that you've got brains as well!

Everyone has insecurities and a feature or quality about themselves that they want to change. So those beautiful girls you envy do as well! There is always something to be jealous of! It's a vicious cycle >.<

I think you're beautiful and wonderful! Nothing I'd change about you!~

Hahha my crackly voice?! hahahha ewww. But you are too sweet! =)

mayaari said...

aww hun, I think you're gorgeous! we're all our worst critics, and I'm in the same boat as you (wanting to lose weight), but you should do it to improve your overall health more than anything. Losing a pound a week at most is the healthiest way to go - any more than that could be unhealthy and you risk gaining some back later on (like if you go on a cleanse or a crash diet and lose a ridiculous amount of weight in a short amount of time). If we lived closer to each other I'd totally be your workout buddy and motivate you to keep going on the treadmill/bike/elliptical/machine of choice.

Jules said...

Hey Tao! I'm 100% supporting you on this goal. I can definitely relate. It's a tough world out there and sadly, it's true that beauty often gets special attention and treatment because it's the first thing people see. Just do what makes you happy and seriously do it for YOU. Your a strong woman and you are capable of anything. You are infinite in possibilities.

Jo said...

Hi Tao,
I've watched your videos on YT and enjoy watching them. I think you are beautiful. I had a look at that girl and I guess she needed the surgery, but you don't. you're fine the way you are.

I too am struggling to get a toned body. I've realized I can no longer eat whatever I like and not put on any weight, but that was such a long time ago. I even had to take drastic measures like xenical in the past when I realized I was getting too heavy for my height but realized it got me no where.

I'm envious of people like you who have brains because I took mine for granted.

Like what the other girls said, her looks won't last long. Head up girl!


Anonymous said...

I'm average looking and don't study that hard. So many girls are hot and smart too, I'm just jealous of those girls. Smart b/c they work hard, not b/c they know guys. Hmm, yea, but pretty girls definitely get more attention. Go to this website,, it shows every exercise for every body parts, and it is really good. I'm using that site for toning, I don't need to lose weight. It's possible. Just imagine yourself in a hot bikini. It's kind of hard to get started, but once u started u get hooked to exercise. If you have the height and boobs :), getting skinny is not hard since it is just a temporary problem. I'm studying for the GMAT too, wish me luck, and if you have any good tips, let me know. Thanks. Phuong

Doriosity said...

aww tao, don't be like that, think about it this way. Beauty fleeting and forever fading, but intellegence will never cease to fade and only increase as time goes on (assuming you're not fucktarded and do drugs ...obviously)
I totally support your goal. And you can be like my diet buddy ><.
I just wish there was a diet so I can be mom keeps harping at me and telling me that I should be at least 5'7"

ps: even if somebody is ugly but has a massive amount of intellegence, at least you can have the chance to make the money for plastic surgery ^^ Whereas when you're dumb but hot, well...when the hotness cools down...they'll be ugly. and no one will want them. andI bet they're sun bunnies so they'll look like they're a bajillion years old when they're only 40

alicia said...

omg tao, I totally feel you. I've been having the same feelings too. seems life's always a lot easier when you're pretty. but i believe personality is very big too, and i adore yours from reading your blog. cheer up!! i think you're cute!!

nuts4makeup said...

you know whats the worst...when a girl gets good things she doesn't deserve, like when a girl has a super nice boyfriend but she's a BITCH. i hate that

Anonymous said...

heyyyyy :) don't worry about how angelababy looks so much. I know people will probably bash me for saying this but Angelababy seems to look that way because she's had a bit of surgery. I'm NOT saying that she was ugly before, I'm just saying she had a little surgery to make her look really pretty. Her pictures of when she was young are really different.... I don't think your eyes get bigger when you grow older... cos that seems to be the case with angelababy.

I'm sure other people will say she hasn't had surgery... etcetc but that's just my opinion. She's rich, so she has the money to do anything :)

but yeah! I hope you reach your goals :)

kawaiikao said...

oh you can do this tao! and yes she is pretty. and gahhhh that bf's sister...hrm...tsk tsk.

Anonymous said...

I also don't want to look at Angelababy's Xanga for the same reason. It is human to compare yourself. But think about this: nowadays, with the right surgery, clothes, makeup, lighting, and smoke and mirrors, you can basically look any way you wanted. Depends on how far you want to take it. I'll known many beautiful girls...yet no one is completely happy with themselves. EVERYONE has face and body issues.

Then, it's not really how you look. It's about how you see yourself. YOU have to make the decision to be happy with the way you are, and if not, you can always tweak it.

However, so many of these smart ladies are right. Look at your profile pic- absolutely stunning! And you know what, ANYONE can model. Because the objective of models is to sell things. There is most likely a niche for everyone if they just know how to get themselves into it. There are different levels and avenues of modeling. Just to say that you've modeled is not necessarily saying much about how successful you've been (no offense to any models reading this) I'm trying to be of my close friends models for obscure high fashion mags, but doesn't any "mainstream exposure".

What I'm trying to say is, I totally know how you feel! I am always wishing I was more beautiful. At the same time, though, I am satisfied deep down because I think I think I look beautiful in my own unique way. Hopefully you will see that too, because you do too!!!

Good luck on any weight loss! It is great for energy, health, and confidence! No denying that!

-a longtime fan of your m/u blog!

Anonymous said...

One more thing, to add to the comment above :) is in the eye of the beholder. I'm really seeing that. Look at celebs. Some ppl find certain celebs attractive, some not. Depend on who you ask.

Look at Jack Black. Not conventionally attractive, but some find him damn sexy! lol.

Or some think Nicole Kidman is a stunning goddess. Others think she looks generic!

And I'm sure you are PLENTY of people's type!

T.R. said...

Tao, keep your head up. I definitely support your goal of being the best you. So get fine in the '09.

Regarding this AngelaBaby girl, I have no idea who she is, but went to the youtube video posted in someones' post and have read the comments here and on that YT video. Well if she has had plastic surgery now you know why. At one point she probably felt like you and then took it a step further. People are "jealous" of how she looks now but look how people talk about her "before" pictures. I actually thought she was pretty before. Maybe she needed some general grooming things done like we all do, getting the teeth fixed, waxing etc. But face wise she wasn't ugly by a long shot.

But now that she's had surgery people say how ugly she was etc. If we as women can't support each other's NATURAL beauty how do we expect anyone else too, that includes men and society.

I find the hardest and crueliest people against how a woman looks are other women. (i.e. your BF mom supporting her daughter's "beauty" and not her son's "beauty"). That's sad to me.

I think you are a beautiful and wonderful young woman who is going to be an amazing woman as she gets older. You have an inner and outter beauty that no one can touch or take from you.

I'm a little older than you (okay a lot :O) So trust me on this when you get really good and comfortable with Tao (not that you aren't now) but when you REALLY settle into your self as a full grown ass woman, you won't give a rats behind about babyangels and BF sisters. You'll realize every woman is beautiful, the trick is to be so fabulous in yours that the world automatically accepts it as true too. B/c the only reason we think the so called "pretty" girls get everything is that everyone tells them they are beautiful, they believe it (well not really) and so they walk through the world as if they deserve whatever they want. And they do, WE ALL do. :O)

Well the trick for those of us whose beauty isn't/wasn't always appreciated is to get that feeling for ourselves. It can take awhile, but when you geniunely get it (from the inside out) man you light up the whole world and nobody can tell you nothing. B/c you know no matter how anyone else looks, you're the SHIT!!!! For real.

Good luck Tao and I'll definitely support you all the way through. :O)

Anonymous said...

Hello from Tokyo

What you need to do is to get some decent sleep!! Lack of good night sleep causes you to gain weight (which I'm sure you don't want) and good sleep makes your skin flowless. Stop waining about what you don't have(although I think you are pretty) and appreciate what you got!

After all the politically correct things being said, I understand how you feel. I feel the same way sometimes. Life isnt fair.

Each individual is born with a different purpose to persue in life. Whatever that is for you, you are born fully equipped with all you need to persue it.

Anonymous said...

first of all, i love you and think you are georgeous which is why i started watching your youtube videos which led to your blog. second, i love how everyone is saying that angelababy had plastic surgery. i have been a fan of hers and she has not had any drastic plastic surgery done. she has lost weight including baby fat and removed her braces which completely reconstructed her mouth and jaw. she also wears a ton of makeup!! don't be fooled! that's the look we like to achieve. looking like we are wearing nothing at all. she swears to drowning herself in mascara and liner, circle lenses and a load of foundation, poweder or w/e and hair makes a huge difference. sure she is still pretty without the makeup but she DOES put that crazy effort into her looks too if not more cuz these 'perfect' girls have to live up to other's expectations right? life is hard for them too especially when they start seeing the wrinkles. someone said here that beauty does not last and those who are used to being glamorous are hit the hardest. so tao you will be hit hard when your beauty fades one day :( as i was saying, bringing her down by saying "she had a shitload of surgery honey" is not gonna make things better nor is it a very postive thing to say about someone and it also says a lot about you as a person. anwyays this entry hit home cuz i used to sit at home looking at pictures of pretty girls (lol that sounded bad) and be so down in the pits. so just sayin, all girls have been there some more than others. i think like you do too, i htink that if i lose some weight i would look much better..only i haven't been losing the weight so i hope you cann stay motivated girl! blunt bangs would be hot on you! life is hard. but i can reasure that you would turn heads in most rooms.

Anonymous said...

lol imagine how ugly people feel then!!

' * : . b | u 3 . : * ' said...

aww Tao, I can understand what you're feeling. But being pretty isn't may let you have your own way for a little while, but looks don't last forever. Also if the person is accustomed to getting whatever they want without working hard for it, when they do get older and lose their looks they'll have a hard time adjusting. In the long run its the people who are stronger inside that outlast the ones that are only superficially pretty.

Anyway sorry for the rambling. Good luck with your future goals!

Wind said...

Interesting read....I understand where you are coming from. I fight with this issue all the time within myself.

Honestly though, I choose brains any day over beauty. My prof. told us on the last day of class "smart STAYS beauty FADES". This quote has stayed with me now for 2 1/2 years. When I start feeling like I'm not good enough I think back to this quote and it is 100% true.

Being pretty is a burden. If you're pretty people are always going to expect you to be pretty. You never know why someone talks to you or smiles at you. Is it all just because of your looks?? I question this a lot.

In the end though, beauty starts within yourself. If you love yourself all else ends there <3

You are perfectly fine the way you are. Don't feel you have to change to be something else which you may not even be. Take care and stay strong!!!!!

P.S. Working out is going to make you feel tons better about yourself. I can guarantee it!! Sorry this was so long too!! It's just I know where you're coming from and I've been there. Ugh!

Denise L said...

hey tao!
i can't believe am saying this, but i used to be a cow when i was 20 to 21. 130 for a 5'2 like me is a lot to carry. am huge! i got fat mainly because my self esteem's a little thin.

am depressed all the time, i dont exrecise and my skin was horrible. then one day i said to myself i need to start looking at myself differently. I know i have a pretty face, cos my MOM always says so. hihi. at first i dont want to go to the gym, i dont fit on those gym clothes. hihi. so i started doing video exercises at home, then little by little i can see the result.

you know what, you should be proud of yourself. because you don't need anybody to get what you want. you dont use your body to milk other people with the things you want. you should be proud girl!

you're smart and you know better than any bimbo lazy head.

after so many years from now, you'll see what am talking about.

cheer up!
you are smart. you are beautiful, i can't even believe that am trying to convince you that you are indeed pretty. i love your site. i love seeing your face doing those crazy smile and wonky eyes. hihi.and you don't look like you are trying too hard. i like you as you are.

hmmmm inlike those wanna be's on the first picture. hehe.

cheer up girl!

Denise L said...

omg ! ive seen the video!
definitely a lot of major surgery!

girl, is that the girl you are comparing your self with? ill pinch you now! can i? hehe. she is ugly!

she looks like a monkey with a lot of issues! please please stop this nonsense. i love it when youre giddy and happy.

Anonymous said...

I remember reading about how rich guys/millionaires usually go for hot looking models.. FOR FUN. lol =D Those that they choose to stick with are often smart and confident ladies. Smart people attract smart people. Brains is actually harder to be born with than beauty! =) You can fake beauty (just look at Angela Baby), but you can't fake brains. Have you seen those barbies trying to sound intelligent? LOL =D

Tao, you're a naturally gorgeous and smart girl! =) I truly hope that you'll feel better with all our support! YOU CAN DO IT! Just like Obama, "YES WE CAN"! hahaha.. Put on your sunglasses cuz I see an insanely BRIGHT future for you! *HUGZ* GO TAO GO! =)

ning * star said...

good luck,girls want themselves to be as pretty as an angel. And inner beauty is always the most important,it is immortal and everlasting.However,I can't deny that appearance do make a big difference is current life whereby most people judge us trough outer beauty.

I'm asian,but I'm very short, 155cm. Duh...

Anonymous said...

I think it's quite mean that people are saying angelababy has had plastic surgery just to make you feel better...

but on the other hand models are models for a reason, and only a handful succeed. Love yourself and set yourself a goal, I think any woman can make themselves gorgeous by taking care of their health, keeping fit, and get a nice haircut!

Nikhai said...

i know people say beauty is not as good as intelligence but it is true that beauty is what gets you somewhere nowadays. Most beautiful people get it easier.

Its ok Tao. You can do it. The first 5lbs is easy but the rest will be harder trust me. I lost about 5lbs from winter break and now gained 3 trying to lose what i gained. I weight about 98lbs and i eat more than an average person does so its so hard going on a diet esp coz im not used to it.

Don't give up even tho its hard. We believe in you

Cerise said...

Hi Tao..
Don't be so upset. I can guarantee you that no one in this world is 100% satisfied with how they look. You know Alessandra Ambrosio, that drop dead gorgeous model from Victoria's Secret? I found out on the Tyra Banks' Show that she carries a bottle of cellulite cream everywhere she goes. She doesn't feel that she's thin enough. Well anyway, you're a really smart girl and brains last forever, not like looks which are just temporary.

PS: You're SOOO NOT fat. But if you think that losing weight will make you feel better about yourself, then I say GO FOR IT!! YOU CAN DO IT!!

Somaly said...

you're pretty as is. dont think different. and good luck with your diet. =] and i saw that u usee to work for mac? if so, did u have to be a pro MUA to work there?

Machiavelie said...

Hey luv - I haven't filtered through all those comments, so I hope this isn't redundant, but <3 you for being so blunt and honest. I think you voice a doubt brainy girls feel from time to time, and bury it deep down because it sounds so silly out loud, but undeniably gnaws at us time to time. But for what it's worth, coming from an NYC prep school - the A&F look doesn't get your far aside from JCPenny catalogues; class and taste really are the best make-up...

Anyhoo - go you for deciding to do this for yourself! You're absolutely lovely as you are, but if this will make you personally happier, then yay! It's a realistic goal with a good time frame that you can totally achieve by eating well & exercising, which are good things to do anyway.

Jacquelyn said...

tao, i support you!! i love angela baby <3 shes so pretty.i dont believe she has had plastic surgery to be honest. she had a very bad teeth/overbite when she was younger and its all fixed now. and her eyelids are due to the rubbing of the eyelid and makeup, thats what happens to me. your very pretty too :) i think your pretty no matter what size you are. I think what matters most is personality. good luck on your weight loss.

Vivian said...

Tao, I hope you feel better about yourself. Who doesn't have self-loathe? I know I do, often. I'm not gonna be hypocritical and say that beauty doesn't get you anywhere. Beauty does, but does it last you lifetime? No, we all get old. You also need brain to get yourself a good job, a good future and that's what beats it all.

I disagree with people repeatedly mentioning that angela had plastic surgery to make you/themselves to feel better. I'm on the fence about she's had work done though. It could really be her teeth, before it protrudes out a lot more! Again, only herslef knows the truth, so why shoul I bother ruining her image. She's beautiful, but she also smokes-which is not for her skin, you see.

Clara said...

It's sad to see how America is changing you. You used to be so self confident and happy with yourself. Now our screwed up values are making you bitter. We need more people like you who are willing to work for what they get and aren't superficial. Don't change too much.

~jInG-jInG~ said...

ehhh... in case, you didn't know. angela baby got massive work done on her face. you can youtube it. it's pretty obvious. more power to her! i mean natural/artificial beauty, inner/outer beauty. who cares, we don't discriminate, beauty is beauty. =) i'd get stuff done if there weren't any risks. in that sense, i guess she's pretty gutsy. hehehe...

Jaime Dollaga said...

Hey girl,
just looking around your blog and i just wanted to tell you that you are worth more than just being beautiful (which you are btw). i understand that those girls get by with their looks, but at the most it seems that is all they have. if you have your brains, personality and heart that is what matters. you have what those girls you think are gorgeous don't have. good luck on your weightloss, but lose it to make yourself happy, not to be like them. you are beautiful no matter what. sorry for the rambling.

NeonLipz said...

Tao you cant let his type bring you down. i know a girl who is just like this and her mom is my principal and no teacher ever says helga(thats her name) stop talking or anything like that, she has the best body ever and the coolest clothes, her mom has bleached her hair to male it blonder since 5th grade and she get everything she wants or wins every time she competes in something!

irisax said...

i really respect your post. you've said a lot of things that undergo how i (and almost every girl out there) feel. brains over looks isn't as easy a statement to say as you'd think...


Kathleen L. said...

I used to be soooo jealous of other people. Insanely jealous. Not psycho jealous, but I would just always compare myself to them, and think that my life would be so much better if I looked like them, etc. There was one girl in particular that I knew from a friend of a friend. She was dating a famous musician, and had met celebrities like Prince. She was beautiful.

Then I realized that the grass is always greener on the other side. Their lives always look so perfect, so wonderful, so fascinating. But what if they're having a bad day? Of course they can pay big money to fix physical stuff (personal hairdressers, fashion advisers, etc), but what if they aren't happy with all that they have? A person who is in the spotlight has so much pressure to be perfect. PERFECT. You can't lay in bed all day wearing sweatpants, surrounded by the dogs, watching videos on youtube (not that I do those things :-/), because the world expects so much more of you. You can't have a lazy day. You have to always look perfect - be wearing the latest fashions, latest looks, etc. You can't just run into Walgreen's to buy 3 bags of Gummy Worms. Because you are on stage! What will the world think???

Then I started looking at what I have in my life. A good job. Great family. Amazing friends. I have a home to live in, a car to drive, and I enjoy being MYSELF. I don't have to impress anyone. I am ME. I'm not perfect. But I'm happy with who I am and with what I have been blessed with in my life. And whenever I start feeling jealous, I just think about how difficult it must be to always live up to the expectation of being perfect.

Queencess said...

You're beautiful! I dont know what you're talking about!

Besides, the prettiest girl's have the most problems. Nothing is ever good enough for them and honestly, I'd rather live a hard life then be handed everything.

Fei said...

Oh lord. I love AngelaBB, but she's too good to be true, y'know? She still makes me feel like crap though. lol. It's only natural to compare yourself. I'm not gonna harp on about how you should love yourself, so I hope you reach your goal and I hope you're happy when you do.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you but I was going around looking at random makeup blogs and saw this. I just wanted to say you seem like a cool person, and you're not ugly at all. (Quite the opposite ^_^) I recently was diagnosed with cancer and I'm only 24. I went through the treatment and even though all is good for now. (It's a treatable/curable kind) I learned some things about life that will stay with me forever. Looks are def. not something to beat yourself up over. Even though I was lucky enough to come out of treatment relatively unscathed, other patients around me did not. One of the sweetest women I met in treatment now has no breasts, or hair and her skin color is off. Yet, I never looked at her at thought "Wow, she's hideous." because she isn't. She's beautiful still and her heart has a lot to do with that. Be thankful that you have the energy to get up and even wear makeup if you want to. Thankful that you have functioning limbs to use for such. Anyway, I'm not trying to depress you just let you know how good you have it, and that you should enjoy and celebrate yourself everyday, cuz life's a funny thing... Don't let anyone make you feel less than wonderful! :)

Olive said...

Ok so I'm not going to lecture you about how beauty is on the inside blah blah...I understand how jealousy and envy can get to us, but sometimes we have to accept what life gives us. It can be hard , but you can’t chase the unattainable forever.

I grew up with an older half sis who was always showered with compliments about her beauty and men fell to her feet. I think secretly my mom praised her more, I always heard her talk about how pretty she was. On the contrary, my mother has never said I am pretty, even to this day. As a younger girl this just added to my list of insecurities and it took all my might to get over it. But I realized that I can't change myself to be someone else. So I started to work with what I got and at 22 years old I can say that I am at a much better place in life.

Tao, we all get jealous and envious of others, but don't think that that's what life is all about. Sam will eventually have to stop relying on her looks because it doesn't last forever. Guess where my sis is now? She's gone through 2 boob jobs, botox and is rail thin trying desperately to hold on to her millionaire boyfriend who I'm sure is eyeing girls my age, not someone like her in their mid 30s. My sis has great qualities, but she never had to show them because life was so easy being a bombshell, but I think shes slowly recognizing her inner self now.

So if you really think that life will be so much better 40 lbs lighter than go for it, but don’t beat yourself up for being you ok? I know exactly how you feel, I still battle those feelings from time to time…Hope this helps you feel a bit better *hugs*

MiuMiu said...

i totally feel the same way as you when i see those other pretty girls. sometimes i wonder what it'll be like if i was skinner or prettier. it's funny the way society reacts to looks nowadays. since i'm in korea right now, i've noticed that looks and style matter so much for these girls. they have to constantly appear feminine (like 99% of them wear heels..i think i'm the 1% that doesn't haha) and sometimes you can actually tell who's had plastic surgury judging by their eyes or noses...normal koreans don't look like that haha. sometimes i wish i could be more girly and skinny like them.
you don't need to and shouldn't feel jealous of those other girls (i know i say that to myself plenty of times haha) matters more how you feel about yourself..just be confident! looks aren't everything. i'm sure your bf loves you for the way you are and who you were when you met!

as for weight, i'm having a weee bit of problem with that too haha..i've gained at least 5lbs?? well it's noticeable on my face haha. so i hope you'll start your diet blog! i seriously need to loose some weight too XD

Banana said...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You are pretty as well as Sam, and Angelababy. Some will think you are more beautiful than those two. You just have to believe it yourself too.

girllovesmac said...

hello! (random)

you are pretty as you are!! build you confindent girl!!! you are gorgeous. hell with that actress or whatever ever her ass is. she ain't that perfect.


grAndeHuGkiS said...

i m pretty sure Angela baby did have a plastic surgery. there are some vid in youtube showing old pics of her. and she was far from pretty.
u hv a lot more than she does ::: natural pretty~~

kyla said...

hi i visit your youtube channel once in awhile. I really like your makeup and I think you're funny (i'm sure you hear that a lot). I just wanted to make one comment; I don't know how tall you are but if you're 5'4" or taller, I think 110 llbs is unrealistic. Oh yeah, I sort of agree with you. Although looks aren't everything, being pretty does make some things in life easier.. btw, good luck on your diet.

Amy said...

not a blogger member, but i stalk your yt channel and just had to leave a comment for this entry

i can repeat what every well-intentioned person said...that looks aren't everything. you just have to be beautiful on the inside..but we all know it's all a bunch of cow poop. although standards of beauty always changes, how you look on the outside has and will always matter

even though angelababy isn't natural..she was never ugly either..but you see people like song hyekyo or other natural beauties and you may think (or at least i did)...sure im decent looking and i feel fortunate i wasn't born butt ugly, but why couldn't i have been born with a face like so and so's?

i can't really explain the feeling or the process of it, but happiness doesn't stem from the inside or's more of a mixture of want to lose weight? don't think about it. don't keep going back to a particular goal weight or size. just do it. it's a lot easier than you think. little gradual steps. eating better. running 1-2 miles every other day. first it's one thing. then another. and before you know're getting results and it actually feels good..and the outside motivation comes from people complimenting on how great you look. how your skin is naturally glow-y..etc. etc.

and honestly...even though you don't fit into the accepted beauty are extremely gorgeous in your own way :D

Anonymous said...

she got plastique cirugy

HeiressDesk said...

Ur so pretty you dont need to lose weight but i wish you could make a blog on that it would be amazing or just to make updates or whatever that could be fun :)

Anonymous said...

I understand how you feel like many of the posters. That being said, I think your beauty is very different than Angelababy's, but your beauty is present nonetheless. I find her beauty a lot more generic, actually. I find you to be unique and striking.

Anonymous said...

If you lost 40lbs you would look a hell lot better then angelababy. You go girl...but you look great regardless. Love all the makeup looks!

Anonymous said...

Hey Tao!

I know it's probably too late to comment, but I just wanted to say that you are EXTREMELY beautiful, and please stop comparing yourself to all those other girls, because you are wayyy better than them!
How many of them can actually say they are an educated, independent, INTELLIGENT, well-traveled, rational woman? None. They probably don't even understand any of the terms I listed. Besides, on a physical level, you are soooo beautiful! You have beautiful hair, beautiful lips, beautiful skin, a rockin' bod, and a gorgeous smile (not everyone has a nice smile. My sister always used to say that a girl can have the nicest features in the world, but if she doesn't have a nice smile, she's just plain ol'... plain.. lol).

I'm a petite (but quite well-fed and filled out) Asian girl, and I've always wanted to lose weight ever since I hit puberty. I tried MANY diets, and trust me when I say that I was one of those girls that NEVER seemed to lose any weight no matter how I tried.

The only time I did lose weight was when I internalized how much I loved my body and worked out for me and only me... I worked out to feel good about myself. When you start thinking of your body as something sacred, and you want to take care of it by working out, and not torture it, your life will be soooo much better. Losing weight will just be icing on the cake because you'll feel so good about yourself, and all those unnecessary evil in your life will disappear.

Also, you should look up to someone you can relate to more. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and I look up to people who I perceive to have more or less the same figure as me.
I'm Filipino and most of the celebrities we have back home are very curvy and healthy-looking. I've always been awed by how these girls could stand up so tall and look SOOOO BEAUTIFUL! They are my inspiration, and as soon as I gave up trying to look like Jessica Alba and looked up to girls like Angel Locsin, and Katrina Halili, I started to embrace my body and realize that ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL!

On a sidenote, if you went to the Philippines, EVERYONE will be all over you! We have all kinds of names for girls who are thin (and they're all bad): annorexic, payatot, masakitin (sickly), etc... but we only have one word for someone who's not skinny: SEXY!
And even here in North America, you stand out in a good way, coz' you have a gorgeous Asian face with a rockin' curvy body!

Love you, Tao! You usually make me feel very good about myself. I hate to see your confidence go down because of someone who's been under the knife countless of times, and isn't even worth being part of your life! You have it way better than she does! Trust me!

Hope you're at a happier place when you're reading this. I went overboard! Lol!

Anonymous said...

People, people. Lets be honest here.

Inner beauty is OBVIOUSLY good and all, but anyone can have inner beauty. Its one of the most easy characteristics to cultivate (if you are not born with it) hehe.

It seems as though the women who have given up always say "oh, but in the long term it is always brains".
Lets stop denying that looks are a very strong currency in this world that gets you to places you want to be.

Like that one poster commented before, her older sister is holding onto a millionaire boyfriend. Well, at least she HAS a millionaire boyfriend. When you are young, women should not deny the power of their beauty and how it can build them a nest-egg for when they are older.

Angelababy was never always rich. She got rich through her modelling work. Now she is beautiful, rich and when her beauty fades, she will still have the money, connections and romantic ;) rich guy relations in place that she made for herself while young.

Youth and beauty is the strongest currency for females- fashion, modelling and uh, porn, are the only notable industries where women earn more than men. Especially in this patriarchal society, women should not discard their beauty because it is one of our strongest bargaining chips to getting ourselves where we want to be.

Tao, I congratulate yourself on looking after yourself, I agree wholeheartedly with your points and you are absolutely stunning.

Those comments about how inner beauty is everything in the end really taxes me and this neo-feminist idea about how brains trump looks every time is not benefiting us females.

Ladies, why not have the best of both looks and do not be ashamed of looking after ourselves! Beauty and charm is the most powerful weapon and invest in knowledge and an education too. Its not limited to the A&F girls.

I have the right to say this because I used to be overweight. One day when I lost weight (took ages) I was on a different ladder of society and life has changed COMPLETELY for me. People treat you differently and different doors are offered to you. Ladies, please dont be ashamed of cultivating your beauty you are doing yourselves a major disservice!