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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Relationship Dilema (LONG post)

Hi guys! First of all, a big THANK YOU to all of you that participated in my sales! I can't believe how fast some things went! So expect another sale coming up soon.

Secondly, I've been having some thoughts about the whole long distance relationship thing. I guess I should give you all a history of my BF and I.

This was the 70's night, so we dressed the part. DO NOT make fun of my outfit!


We met in junior year in highschool, AP Chem class. We were both 16 at the time, though I'm 4 months older than him (I was born in Nov 87, he was born March 88). He helped me with my chemical hw (all hw to be honest) and everything, life was good. After hs, we got into the same univeristy, which is University of Florida. His major is chemical engineering, mine is marketing. We lived in the dorms our freshman year, but moved in together for the next 2 yrs. We both graduated in 3 years. Now, after we are done with our undergrad, I'm staying in my school to do a International Business master program, and he's going to University of Colorado to attend their Chemical engineering PhD program. I will (hopefully) be done in a year, but his will take about 5 yrs (stupid PhD!). However, this means that we will still be apart for at least 1 year.

We are twinners!!!


This is where the problem starts. We've never been apart for more than 2 weeks! We are like Siamese twins. We are eachother's shadow. We are eachother's best friend (at some point in time, we were eachother's only friend). After 4.5 yrs, I don't really know if I still remember how to live without him. I'm not the kind of person that goes out to clubs and do crazy things. I'm a homebody. I go to school, come home, shop online. Yes, we are 21 going on 81. I don't know why some people like to go out and cause a scene and later complain about the drama. In my opinion, going out = drama (trust me, I've tried). Although I have friends, I don't really feel like I relate to them. I don't trust ppl easily and I don't really work at maintaining friendships. When people call me, I don't return their calls, etc, I know I'm a horrible friend. However, my BF was ALWAYS there for me , even thru some of the toughest times, and I was always there for him.

Spot the MAC pallete! LOL!


All of a sudden, I feel like I'll be apart from my best friend and lover. My feeling have been so conflicted. On one hand, I know I should set him free, but on the other hand, I can't help but feel some anxiety because I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't want to be the psycho GF that checks his email/facebook/phone record/hire a private investigator to follow him around, but then again, I don't really trust anybody. I know how some girls can be very....direct and desperate. They will do whatever nessesary to get what/who they want. A lot of you might be asking: "Doesn't he give you the sense of security? You still don't trust him after almost 5 yrs?" I'm worried BECAUSE he's such an awesome BF. He's been the perfect boyfriend: attentive, gentle, yet sometimes spontaneous. Even though he's been 120% devoted the entire time we've been together, I'm afraid other girls will see it and want to get their hands on such a wonderful BF too.

Prom....my hair was a DISASTER!


The thing I'm most afraid of the fact that we will drift apart. Now we are always together, we know the same people, go to the same place, have the same discussion topics, etc. What happens if we have separate groups of friends, focus on different things, and no longer have that same connection? I'm sure you've all had that best friend, the one who's very close to you, but after a while of not seeing them, all of a sudden they seem like strangers. I'm afraid that's gonna happen with my BF and I.



He will be tremendously busy w/ his 18 hr work day because he had to be the TA for a class, take classes, AND do research. I will be doing study abroad and take a lot of classes myself. Of course we will try to stay as connected as possible via phone, MSN, and emails, but I just can't shake that feeling of loss away....

Help?

This is why I will NEVER use pencil eyeliner again!


Thanks in advance!
Tao

57 comments:

MissChievous said...

Hey Tao! I'm sorry about your situating, LDR's are never easy. I was in one myself for several YEARS and there was a whole ocean between my bf and I but we managed to stick it through. It might actually be a good thing for you two, to develop yourself and your friendships with other people. I think it's important to have a life outside of your significant other, for balance. I'm not sure how far away you'll be but maybe you can visit during holidays, long weekends, etc. Get a webcam and Skype running and you should be ok. If it's meant to be, you and your bf will be fine, if you both put in the effort. It will be worth it in the end.

Askmewhats said...

Tao, I've been in a long distance relationship and a lot of people said it won't work, i wasn't expecting it to work at all, but because I was armed with "long history" of us with a lot of memories, good times and bad times, eventhough there's like better looking guys out there, I've always Longed and yearned for "the person who was there for me through years". I'm not saying it'll surely work, but this is a perfect time for you to find yourself, to be independent and learn to appreciate more of each other as you're far away, small stuffs that you enjoy with him at times are taken for granted, so I k now it is SUPER difficult, this is definitely a rough ride, but you have to have TRUST to each other of course and I do hope time flies quickly for the 2 of you. You have to enjoy time for yourself and friends, to keep you busy :) *hugs* goodluck!!!

Jamilla Camel said...

Hi Tao,

After 10 years into our relationship, I got a job for 18 months that required me to work during the week at a company site 200 miles away. I stayed in a company apartment during the week.

We got through this because (1) we knew that it wasn't forever and (2) I did come home on weekends.

For the past 5 years, Jamal has travelled to California (from London!!) 10 days out of every month, going every 3 weeks for 10 days! This is now coming to and end, fortunately.

If it's only for a year, I think you can manage...your relationship has been strong, and like MissChievous said, set up that webcam and make regular visits!!

Good luck!

Emma said...

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship pretty much for 2 years. We spent the first 3 months together every day then I went back to uni and since then we've only seen each other once every couple of weeks. When I came back home, he had moved somewhere else for a job so we're back to square one. I know how you feel about not relating to people and friends, maybe the time apart will give you time to develop other relationships. It's only a year and you'll be able to see each other during the holiday's and stuff. I'm sure you'll be fine, it will take a bit of work but in the end if it's meant to be then its meant to be. Wishing you the best of luck!

Mets GirLL said...

Hey Tao..I just wanted to offer you some comfort. My boyfriend and I met in college and we spent like every day together. I'm also a homebody and hate the drama that goes along with going out and getting trashed. After graduation he got a job in Atlanta and i came back to New York. He was going to be in Atlanta for a year and then come back to NY. I'm not going to lie to you, it was a bad year. We fought constantly over the DUMBEST stuff. We knew we couldn't throw in the towel though and we didn't. He's here now and things have never been better. When you spend time apart, it really makes you appreciate the time you have together.

Consuela said...

Dear Tao,

Don't worry!! This might very well be the beginnig of a new and maybe even an exiting chapter in your relationship. In the following year you'll be able to get to know yourself better. Though having the security of a boyfriend fullfilling it's also important to have a relationship with yourself. Find who you are without your boyfriend.This might be the opportunity to do so and if anything this might even be a boost to your current relationship, because as the old saying goes "Only if you love yourself you will be able to love someone else".

Your connection has been strong enough to last you all these years and it will probably survive this spacial distance as well. Don't compare relationships to friendships because relationships are way more intense ( and let's not even start on the catty bitchfighting between most female friendships).

And last, yes there might very wel be temptations, but keep in mind there's the same amount of temptation as we speak. If men (or women for that matter) go astray it can happen with somebody who lives just around the corner as well. So don't let that freak you out. From what you tell he's committed.

So see the coming year as an adventure and keep the faith in you and your partner: It's going to be fine!

N.J. said...

Hi Tao. I read you blog and I personally can't identify with having a LDR with a boyfriend, but I am in a kind of LDR with my best friend. We don't go to the same college and we don't see each other all that often. I let me tell you this: Even though we can only really talk over the phone and e-mail the distance has made us closer in a way because neither of us want to lose that connection as a best friend. Sure, we each have our own group of friends in our respective places, but to me, she's always my #1 friend and I'm the same to her. It sounds like you two are really in love and are obviously willing to make it work and you are each other's #1s so you will both put in the effort to make it work. You seem like such as strong person that I can't imagine some distance would break down a relationship this strong. Good luck and I'll keep you in thoughts.

KiLLaCaM said...

Hi Tao! I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. I've never been in a long distance relationship but I do know what it's like to always want to be around your significant other. My BF and I have lived together since day one and I don't know what I'd do without him. If he were to leave to a far away place, I think I'd be devestated first, but would be ok in the end. I think that this change may be good for you. It could be a growing experience and you will learn to stand on your own feet. With technology these days, you can keep in touch almost anywhere. Stay strong for the sake of your relationship. Once you start feeling insecure, its just like a domino effect. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you.

You can both make it work. I have faith in you guys and your love sounds like its strong enough to conquer this.

You are both extremely intelligent people. I think you know what you need to do..it just a matter of doing it. Be open to new friendships and I guarantee you, that if they are indeed genuine friends, they will be more than happy to support you through this change.

Keep us posted! We're here for you too :)

Ju said...

Hi Tao, maybe after your school, you can gone with him ?

And I think like MissChievous, make others friends, and happen that's happen.

But if you really love eachother, few years are not a big deal (in a full life I mean), but it's hard in beginning.

And don't listen people who tell you "long distance relationship" doesn't work. It's not true ! Because, you are with your BF since X years, it's not like you start a "relationship with a long distance" ;)

Ethereal Prey said...

there's no real easy answer for this. its basically do you do what your heart wants or what your head wants. I was in a semi LDR for a semester, but when you're young things are different. You always want to be together, when you get older at least for me its different. In my old age, hee hee, things are different, but you have to find yourself and find out who you are and what you want. you can try the LDR and see what happens, but always be true to yourself.

~Mel said...

hey Tao, if anything long distance relationship will strengthen ur bond rather than push it away.. it'll make seeing each other after some time has gone by much more exciting.. i mean yes he'll be away but that doesn't mean he won't be coming back for holidays, etc.. 1 yr will pass by so fast so i wouldn't worry too much about it.. if he is a nice and devoted bf as u say he is, then nothing will want to keep him from u.. he'll be too busy studying to think of anything else anyways.. =)

Katrina M said...

so sorry to hear this. long distant relationship is tough. it can either break u or make u stronger. don't let it break u. if u guys are meant to be then u guys are meant to be.

don't let it stress u out because it'll just make u crazy. he seems like a good guy and i really don't think u have anything to worry about.

stay busy and hang out w/ ur good friends.

Annie said...

Hi Tao - How long is your Master's program? If it's not that long, you can always join him in Colorado down the line! I might be heading towards a similar situation in my relationship. I'm just going to make it work! (Geez, I sound like Tim Gunn.) Actually, most of my friends are in LDR's - I've just realized. And they've been together FOREVER. Distance is hard for them, but I think they somehow manage between phone calls and Skype.

Pixie said...

I was in a long distance relationship for a while (I also went to school for a Chemical Engineering PhD lol), and it really isn't that bad. I was in the US and he was in Europe and we still came out of the whole thing stronger than ever. We made sure that we made staying in touch a priority. Even though he is going to TA, he should have lots of time to keep in touch in between grading and chilling in the lab.

I'm sure you'll be fine *hugs*

Lulu said...

Hi Tao, I know long distance is always hard, but think on the bright side, you guys will only be apart for a year! You'll finish your master's degree in no time and join him again. You guys have been through thick and thin for almost 5 years already, just one year of at different places won't do anything! Esp since your boyfriend will be SOOO busy with all his work (trust me, he'll be really busy!!!). I have several friends in my department who had to be seperated from their college girlfriend for a year before the girls were able to finish school/transfer jobs, etc to be closer to them, and look at them now, they are all together again, one pair even got married during the summer when the girl moved over here! I know you guys will do great, so hanging in there! Congrats on your master's program, you are a very bright girl! Also, what does your boyfriend think of the whole situation? Good luck!
~your faithful reader :)

Karrie said...

Tao,
You and your BF should have a good long talk together.
Tell him how you feel about being away from him. Talk about what you both want from this relationship and where you see it in the future.
In a relationship, what you put in is what you're going to get.
As long as you both put the effort in, it will all work out.
A year will pass by fast for you.
Both of you will be busy and focused on your new degrees.
After you graduate, you can still join him in Colorado.
Love does endure long distance.
Good luck with everything.
Take it one day at a time.

jojoba said...

girl, my husband is away for a year till July this year. he is posted to east malaysia which is 2-hour away on a plane across the ocean. we were planning to move with him last july but because my son's used to his school here. (and there was no good school at where he is so we didn't...)

i was anxious about this long distant thing as like you, since we started dating back in 95, we had not been apart for too long. (i moved to oz from the us to be with him back then. another long story.)

it turned out it's actually not bad for us. but it's not too good for our son who misses his daddy too much. though my husband comes back about once or twice a month and we do visit him on school holidays, the little boy isn't coping well.

therefore, we are moving to sydney end of this year (for a year) together with my husband whether or not we find a good school for my son. it's best to be together as a family.

but your situation is different. you are both adults. and i think it's only a year. if a relationship so long can't stand a year's apart, then there are problems. so it's good know... :)

i have confidence in your bf since he's been there for you for so long. let God decide your future. what comes, comes... good luck.

ASourSkittle said...

LOL that last pic is sooooo funny... but yea I had to be without my boyfriend for six months and it was terrible... but skype really helped a lot! I think that your relationship is one in a billion and you should definitely put all your effort into holding onto it...

denise said...

hey tao, omgee girl im going through the same situation right now....im scared too. sometimes i just tell myself if he really loves me, then we will be fine. i know there will be lots of temptation but i think your bf loves you too much to fall for those. he looks like he is so happy when he is with you and i think you dont have to worry about anything. im sure that only time will tell but just dont let it bother you im sure you two will make it through. i can see that you both love each other and i don't think distance will break you apart. my mom and my dad made it through 8 years of not seeing each other and just communicating through phone cus it was ages ago lol....anyway just thought id share that with you and let you know that when there is real love in the relationship which both of you have, you'll be happy and be together till the end. i know that you'll make it, be strong. hope this helps.

foolishxlady said...

Aw, you shouldnt worry! He's proven that he's devoted to you. Distance shouldnt change that. You guys might be too busy to talk sometimes, but you both need to get your schooling done. Me & my boyfriend have a lot in common but we also have other things in our lives that we're not a part of. We have different sets of friends, we dont see each other every single day & on days we dont see each other, sometimes we dont even talk. We've been together for five years and our connection is still as strong.

You guys will be fine. Besides, it'll give you guys time to miss each other =).

Aprille said...

hi tao. this topic is really close to my heart so i can't resist from commenting. ldr. yes, it will be hard. there's no doubt about it. communication will be so different from what you still have right now. BUT if both of you keep fighting for it, then you'll be alright. it will be a struggle, but you'll be alright. from my personal experience, we've seen so many fights, arguments, and cool off periods. i've had moments when i wanted someone to be close to me. But, in the end, we still stuck together. so really, all it takes is both of you guys' devotion. it really does take 2 to tango so it's just not up to you solely. hopefully,both of you would be feeling the same thing all through out. and as you guys have been together for such a longtime, i have high hopes for you guys

Amy said...

Hey Tao

When my boyfriend told me he found a good job quite a distance away, I thought, "oh no, we're going to break up, we're not going to last, I won't see him anymore..", I didn't want him to go, but I told him he had to take it because it was the best decision for him, even if it meant leaving me alone in a house which we were living in. Like you, we did everything together, he's everything you say your boyfriend is, I rather spend my time with him than my friends and I was worried that other girls would steal him away. We've survived by emailing and calling each other literally everyday. It's really hard and you do get lonely, but you survive. My bf and I don't talk enough about our future and it's left us hanging in the middle of nowhere, I can't move in with him (he lives with his parents as houses are super expensive) and I can't get a job in his area, so we're stuck in a rut.

If I had any advice, it would be to always talk to your bf, talk about what's going to happen when you finish your Masters because that's when any change will happen. He won't be able to move, but you can. Is that something you would consider doing? You two sound and look like a wonderful couple, you need to carry on with this relationship, long distance or not.

Amy

PS: I love seeing photos of you and your bf, but it also makes me sad because he looks like my former boyfriend and that relationship ended so sadly. That's why I don't want to see you sad and give up on your relationship. I guess, I want you to have what I lost.

PPS: Sorry this post is so long.

Cute Kitchen said...

Hi Tao..u both looks so nice..
btw, i'm sorry to hear that.
But don't worry,again just like MissChievous said set a webcam.
Hubby and i were LDR before..
it's sad when u feel like u needed so much, n want to be with him in presence.but he is sooo far away..
One of the positive things that i feel from LDR is we are getting more closer than before :)
Good Luck Tao..btw, sorry 4 my english :p

Olive said...

Hi Tao!
I'm sorry to hear about your dillema, but you now what? It might not be so bad to get some distance between you guys. You know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Anyways, from what I read so far I get the feeling your world kinda revolves around your bf and I think you need to go out there and meet new people and make some friends. That way you won't be so lonely when he's gone AND you will have your own life as well. Not every girl causes drama or is going to be a terrible friend Tao...I know you may have experienced some bad relationships with girls, but don't be so quick to dismiss potential friends. Life can be very lonely without friends, so put yourself out there a little. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think. And then maybe you will be able to handle the long distance relationship better. Not all long distance relationships fail, if the love is there then it will definitely work!

izumi said...

i think since you guys care about each other so much, it'll be worth it. 4.5 years! that's crazy. it'll be crazy hard and sometimes you'll want to give up but i think you guys have such a strong bond already. it'll be good to have friends outside of each other and learn to be apart. most of all, i don't think you should give up before you even try!

L said...

hey Tao!

I'm currently in a LDR, and have been for the past 4 years. My bf and I go to different universities. I see him consistently in the summer for four months, and then it's back to school with visits during Easter Break/Christmas/etc.

LDR are HARD!! but going through it, I realize it has helped me grow and made me into a stronger woman, more independent.

I know exactly how you feel, because I was a wreck when he left for university, but you begin to cherish the moments that you do have together. And I'm sure you two will fight through it to overcome any difficulties.

Strong strong, and as they say "this too shall pass".

eva said...

hey tao... I am sorry to hear about your problem but to me, it seems like you have an amazing boyfriend who loves you with all his heart and no matter what, no matter where he is or no matter what time of the day it is, i am sure that he will drop everything and be there for you when you need him the most. One year is not a long time, in fact, it can go by very fast. And you cant really worry about him cheating on you because truth is, IT CAN HAPPEN, but if it doesnt happen, than you know you truly do have an devoted boyfriend and if it does happen, than you know he is not the one for you because anyone who loves you will never cheat on you.

Let me tell you that you will not drift apart, if anything you will get so MUCH closer. whenever u go visit each other, it will be like the FIRST DATE again, and the first KISS...when my boyfriend leaves for a long amount of time and comes back, i get so excited to see him..and when i finally see him, he is so much more handsome than i remember each time and when we hold each other again and kiss, it really does feel like the beginning all over again, the excitement and the chemistry. You will never take each other for granted after your year apart.

vwhooo said...

Hey! This is the first time I've commented on your blog. I usually just browse, but I really liked/ related to this post. I am going through the same thing. Me and my boyfriend have decided to take time apart, even though we still have feeling's for each other, because I think after a long time together, it's important to have a chance to be apart. Time apart may reinforce your belief that this relationship is worth pursuing and continuing, or it may lead you to believe that maybe, for a time being, you want something else. I am a total homebody too, but I don't want to be so committed at such a young age for so long and then when I'm 30 regret that I've never had any time by myself.

That's my two cents!

mszcheysser said...

Tao,

Long distance relationship ARE hard, but in a way, it is best to look at the bright side. From reading your post (and looking at the adorable pictures), I can tell that the both of you will be able to over come this. Don't worry about drifting apart, because the both of you had spend a great time in each life for it to end that way. In the time apart, think of it as a time for YOU and his time for himself. It may also help asking some other people who experience being apart from the boyfriend/husband. They will be able to give you advice. Just always remember to keep in contact with each other. Or you can do what the guy (I forgot the character's name, sorrrry!) in "PS: I love you", he left notes for her. You can find similar ideas with your boyfriend, so you both can feel that even though you're apart, you can still feel them near you.

In the end, it is all about being strong. Do not fear. Thinking negative will only make it worse. And, when you are two together, build as much memories as you can that will last when you two are together. Anyways, time apart can do wonders for people. When you two get back together, the relationship will just get so much stronger.

Sorry, sorry that is so long! SUPER LONG FOR A FIRST TIME COMMENTER. lol. Take care :)

Catherine said...

Hey sweetie... I totally understand your anxiety. SO and I have been together for a little over two years. Met freshman year of college and moved in together about a year and a half ago. We've spent summers and breaks apart, but they feel so long and awful... it's kind of scary looking ahead to when we graduate and possibly head off in different directions.

The way I see it though, is that you and your SO are both bright young people with your whole lives ahead of you. Pursue your dreams, and if you two are meant to be, it'll work out. At this point in my life, I don't think I'd let my SO's career affect my choices for graduate school. We're really too young to be sacrificing that much for another person (we can wait 'till we have kids for that, right?). You should be your top priority for now.

I think you'll both come out of this a lot stronger for the experience than when you went in. LDRs are really hard, and do take a lot of work, but you know what? Tons of couples have done it before. And if you both really want to keep it together, I'm sure you will. Your SO sounds like a really smart, sweet and devoted guy. I'm cheering for you! Good luck!

- Kay - said...

Hey Tao,

I've been reading your blog for awhile and I just started my own. I definitely didn't realize we went to the same school until recently, and to make things even more weird, after seeing your post today I think your boyfriend might have been in my Organic Chemistry Lab last semester. Anyways, I love reading your posts because they are so thorough and are many times on affordable items that anyone can try. I wanted to comment on this entry especially because I'm dealing with a similar situation right now. My boyfriend and I are applying to Medical School this year and it's SO hard to even get in period, let alone for both of us to get in the same place. We've never been more than like 3 days apart and I pretty much hang out with him all the time. I can relate to how anxious you feel right now. I always have everything planned out, and now there's so much uncertainty coming up and I don't know how my bf and I are going to get through this. I hope everything works out and congrats on getting into the Masters program!

angie519 said...

I was in a long distance relationship for 5 years, and it got to the point where we were always fighting about the same thing, so we broke up (2 years ago). We still visit each other (I'm going to visit him this month). And to be honest, we would probably be together if it weren't for the distance.

Now, in my opinion, you can't not try.. It seems like you guys are so ideal for each other that you can't not give it a try.. Sure things can end badly, and you could end the relationship on bad terms, but at the same time, how can you end it before you even try?

.. It's hard, but at least talking on the phone is easier now with mobile to mobile or nights/weekends, and Skype does wonders. Just make a schedule to see each other!

SivLy said...

Aw Tao! Feel better. Maybe you guys can keep in touch over the phone, or webcamming. You will find some time during the year to see each other also, for sure. Go to a drugstore or something whenever you feel lonely, being surrounded by poeple (and makeup) will ease you and help you feel better. I know that always helps me! At night, don't keep yourself up and try to get sleep... I'm sure he lvoes you and wouldn't like to see you sad about this situation =(

FELL BETTER TAO! <33

mayaari said...

hey hun - with all the ways to communicate now, I'm sure you'll be able to keep in touch despite busy schedules and timezones - there's always chatting online, skype, phone calls, texts, etc. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years now, and the past 4 months is the first time that we've lived in the same city together - before this he was living 100 and then 250 miles away from me for school/work. There were lots of phone calls and IM convos, and visits on both ends depending on who could afford to travel. Trust was always an issue for me, but your bf sounds like a great guy, and I don't think he would really be the type of guy to overlook everything that he has with you to do anything while he's not with you. Being apart could be a good thing for both of you - to sort of find yourselves again, see if you can stand on your own two feet. As much as I love my bf, I know that if I wasn't with him, I would still be able to take care of myself and get things done. It might give you the opportunity to try something new - just take it slowly, try not to have too many expectations about what could/couldn't happen in the next year and just see how things go, and tweak your plans whenever things don't seem to be going the right way.

It'll take some work, but if you're both willing to put in the effort, it'll be great in the end :)

divinexjanice said...

After reading this long post, I think you made the decision for yourself! You love him to death why would you let him go right? Judging from your history Im sure you will be able to survive. You seem to have a very very special and rare bond. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out for the best, you deserve it!

miemiemie said...

awww that's basically how i felt when i was away in the US for 5months and the bf stayed in the philippines. i trusted him but i don't trust the girls around him. i know how you feel when you said that being with your bf for the longest time and like you're really inseparable. we are like that too. we don't go out and we don't have a lot of friends. we're each other's bestfriend..its hard to be in a long distance relationship..don't worry, you'll get through it..its not easy but its not impossible..don't forget that you love each other so much and if something comes in between you guys and if either one of you falters..that would mean that the bond is still not that strong..but i believe you guys will pull through..good luck dear, i'll be leaving the bf too when i start working in NY and i hope that day never comes..hahahaa

madblusher said...

Hi Tao! I am currently in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I aren't even in the same continent! But we manage to make it work. Communication is the key. As long as you guys are talking regularly, and I'm sure after 39287109 years of being together, you guys completely trust each other and you've built a good and solid foundation for your relationship, you guys will be able to pull through.

With the technology present today, I'm sure communication will be a breeze. My boyfriend and I use Skype all the time. It's really easy, just get a webcam, go to their website and download the program. You guys can call each other everyday.

Best of luck to you both! =)

Alicia Lin said...

Hey Tao! I love your youtube channel / blog. Here's my brief back story so you understand where I'm coming from.

Back Story:
I've been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years now, and it has always been long distance. I'm only 19 years old turning 20 very soon. We met at summer camp, and we've been together ever since. I know it sounds stupid like I'm settling, and I'm not looking around for other options, but the thing is, a best friend is a best friend, and you don't replace best friends just because you have other friends.

Long distance does suck a lot. People when they hear your situation will probably give you a lot of advice even though they haven't been through it themselves. People mean well, but sometimes it's advice you've heard often enough and don't need repeated.

Anyways, I want to give you a different perspective on things because I kind of know where you're coming from. I mean you've taught me soo much about makeup, that I think I could give you a little something in return.

Although being without him hurts a lot, and it will hurt the entire time you're not with him, this time will pass. Feeling hurt and lonely will pass even if it doesn't seem like it. If you really do like him as much as I think you do, distance will not be a good reason to break up. Obstacles will always happen, if its not long distance, its ALWAYS something else. A good boyfriend is like a best friend, and no matter where you are or what you're doing, your best friend is your best friend and there's no way around that. It's stupid to think there's so many available best friends out there or that its too hard to be best friends because of distance. Somebody who gets you is hard to find, and I don't think its worth giving up just because it takes a little longer to see him.

I hope this helps. I'm sorry if it doesn't.

Alicia

Sandra said...

Tao, I went through the exact same thing. My (ex)boyfriend and I were BEST friends for 7 years and we went out for 3 of those years. Then, he went to UC Berkeley and I went to UCLA. It was so hard in the beginning, but I'm telling you, if you really love him and think he's the one, work your hardest to keep him. My ex left me for another girl, but I think that also has to do with me not trying hard enough to keep our relationship the best it could be. As long as you work for it, it will work out. Yes it will be hard, but don't do something you will regret for the rest of your life. It's so hard to build up a relationship from the beginning again and if you think he's the one, don't make any stupid mistakes. Skype, text, chat, and try to visit as much as possible. Try to have your own life, but don't forget about the person most important to you.

ilovewendydarling said...

Tao,
I can completely relate. My love and I are going through the same thing.
We've been together for a little over three years now and due to my love's degree, he had to move a city away. I know, "WOW! That's just a city away! I'm like states away from mine!" But, whether Peter is a city away, if he were states away,or even next door away from me I would/do feel so lost without him.

I worry about the same things too like if the skanks will try to snatch him away etc. or if he starts to drift away from me and forgets how to treat me lovingly.

I'm just a huge mess! It's so nice to relate to someone though:]

Anyhow, just a heads up. I know that it won't be easy. Especially if you're anything like me (and it seems we're so much alike personality wise.
I feel that this will definitely test a lot of aspects about the type of relationship you both had with each other and make you realize certain things about yourself again.
To be honest with you, just a few weeks ago, I started to realize that it can feel pretty liberating having my own time without Peter always "there" to feel like I can be my own person.
Also, I think it def. sparks fresh feelings. Sometimes seeing the same person over and over can make things a little stale and it's those times when you can go visit your honey in Colorado and feel like new love once again, butterflies in the tummy and all:]

Whoa, I just rambled on and on but, I'll just keep this last part short.

I think with the help of extra commitment there is nothing that will stand in the way of love.
Just make sure to find time to go see him or he can come visit you. There is also options of webcam and there's always the good ol' phone:]
Just because you won't be around each other 24/7 like usual, doesn't mean the love you had will just vanish into thin air. Four and a half years is a very long time for such young people and if you lasted this long then it will def. last four and half more:]( A BUNCH BUNCH BUNCH OF YEARS MORE!)

No worries, Tao. Change will always be difficult but, who says you can't over come it?:]

You are so gorgeous and a sweet person, there is no way your honey will ever drift away from you<3

Take care then and best wishes for your future!

♡ Nic Nic ♡ said...

Im sure all the ladies here have said the same thing..

I know what a long distance relationship entails, I was in ait myself. he was in Japan and I was in the UK. We visited each other about quarterly a yr, well it was more about me visiting him but i didnt mind since i wanted to check out japan anyway. After being away from him so and started to see him everyday i have to be honest i did feel overwhelmed! And yes we went through our rough patches but now Im really happy with him.

All i can say that if you trust him then it will work. long distance relationship takes alot time and trust, it only works if you want to make it work.

I can see in those pictures you love each so much, you guys can pull through! i do believe time apart can allow you to learn about yourself more, it's also means you can cope by yourself if anything should happen to a relationship, learn to be independent and find out more about yourself.

anyway I know you guys can make it through!! wishing you guys the best of luck, not that you need :)

K said...

I'll let the girls tell you about their experiences, but have you talked to your bf about how you are feeling? I am sure he will understand and most likely, he is thinking the same things too... Like, "Tao will be in the real world in a year and I'll still be in school" etc. Talk to him and see what he says.

HUGS!!!

Jaime Dollaga said...

aww tao hang in there. i am currently on a break with my relationship right now, but LDR can work. as long as you guys care about each other that is all that matters. just don't forget to take the time for yourself and don't lose yourself in your relationship.sorry if i sound generic.

(( K@Y )) said...

It's very tough but if you feel it's worth it, then try to be strong and make the relationship work. I wish you the best. Hugs!

- Kay - said...

Thanks so much for commenting back! My first comment! lol I thought all I had to do was make a blog and all these people that are googling product reviews would flock to my site. Thank you for your kind words. I'm really anxious about medical school applications and getting into the same school as my bf, but I have noticed that I'm getting a little calmer as all that gets closer. I think a year is a long time (even though it's very impressive that you'll have your masters in 4 years of college), but I think you can def make the LDR work! Medical school is at least 4 yrs, so that would majorly suck.

Your bf would probably not know me by name (My name's Kanita). But if I do recognize him correctly, I think he was in my lab section, and my station was located by the window opposite from the door. haha as if he'd remember, but I think I asked him what he results got in his ferrocene chromatography lab when my partner and I were really behind. I remember a lot of useless things.Anyways, have a wonderful weekend!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao! Been a quiet reader of your blog for a while and this is the first time i've commented, but I feel I need to give some advice to help you thorugh.

I'm in exactly the same situation, almost identical apart from the university course, I'm not quite finished University yet, still got 1 more year to go, but your thoughts has crossed my mind as well. I'm in an even tighter spot because me and my bf been dating 3 years but my parents don't even know yet! (Yes i'm asian, yes my bf is white lol so it's been hush hush)

Tbh no one knows what the future brings, I understand it's heart breaking to be left alone, my bf and I are best friends as well as lovers, everytime he's not in my presence I feel a little sad. But you know what? It's a good thing! That proves you love him very much and it's healthy. It's something you got to try out for yourself, because if you do end up marrying him, it'll be in exactly the same position. He goes to work everyday, you go to work everyday, sometimes work might even mean having to travel from state to state, country to country, you never know.

Long distance relaitonship is a great thing, it's a win-wn situation. If you love each other very much, you'll both work hard to keep in contact and this strengthens the bond and your faith in each other. If *touch wood* he strays, you wouldn't want to be with him anyways, it'll be even worse if you two married and then you found out.

It's going to be tough, but it's like exercising and losing weight, it's hard to go through physically and mentally at first but after a good workout, you feel refreshed, healthy and smiling. Hope this helps! :)

Amy said...

im not much of a romantic and i can't say i've been in your place

i know a lot of people who thinks..what's success when you're not with the one(s) you love most? but you guys have worked your little asses off all these years to get to where you are today..and life is offering chances to do so much more..

let go for now...once you two have established a good stable foundation for yourselves (it's not selfish because you're both doing it)...when you find each other again..and the love that you feel now is still there..even if it's just a little..then that means something, right?

and if the love isn't there anymore...life goes on..and you both wouldn't regret sacrificing your career goals for maybes and what-ifs..

Madison101 said...

Hi Tao, sometimes time apart makes the heart grow fonder. It's easier said than done but there are things that you/him needs to do. The best that you can do is to support him full heartedly. And if things are meant to happen, then you guys will still go steady even with distance apart. Be strong!

Jenn said...

This post almost made me cry! I'm going through the exact same thing. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I'm going to grad school 2000 miles away while he's going to work. I too am doing a masters program, which is only one year, but still.. it's hard. I don't live with my bf now but we see each other every single day (we only live 3 mins walking distance) and it's hard to imagine life without him.

Anonymous said...

i was once in a long distance relationship, and ive went through all of those feelings uve mentioned and that's very normal. but how u should look at this separation is that it will be a "test" of whether u actually want to be marry him and vs versa. u might feel like u like him a lot now, but once u guys are apart, thats when u truly realize how much the person means to u. secondly, ur not the only woman in this world, he WILL have the chance to meet other girls whether in school or at work or where ever he is in the future....u mentioned that u do trust him but u worry that other girls might snatch him away, the thing with that is... that also involves the trust u have in him, if he REALLY truly likes u and only think of u, then he should be able to reject whoever that comes, regardless how hot and seductive they are..n *crosses finger* if one day during the separation he did meet someone new or cheated on u, then that just shows how much u really meant to him, once ur not around, he falls for another girl. so the bottom line is the separation will allow u to truly see his commitment and love to u and vs versa, if u guys can pass this, u two will most likely be a wonderful married couple :)

Viv said...

Hey Tao!

Wow you sound so much like myself. Like you, i live with my bf of 5 yrs while going to college, i'm a big homebody (hate partying, getting trashed cuz it's stupid, and the drama), and i don't put in the effort to making close friends. Like you, my bf and are are each other's shadow. We even do the strangest things together. One time we even woke up together randomly in the middle of the night to fix our pillows (what are the chances of that?).

I see that life has taken you two apart from one another physically, but I'm sure that your love for one another will keep you two together. I haven't been away from my bf for longer than a week, so I can't give you any person experiences of a long distance relationship. But I really think being honest, trusting, and putting in the effort is the only way to keep long distance relationships afloat. It really sounds like both of you guys are committed to one another (he gave you a promise ring after all), and I have no doubt in my mind that you two will be together forever.

Connie De Alwis said...

Hey Tao

So sorry that you're through this dilemma. I understand that it can be very difficult for the both of you. Take the distance as just a challenge in your relationship. A challenge that in any point of the relationship, could happen. Trust is indeed very important. You don't have to talk and see each other all the time but keeping him in your thoughts helps.

Don't worry too much. Just have faith :) You two love each other too much to let anything happen to the relationship.

I hope everything works out for you

Abbey said...

Hi Tao! I'm a first time commenter but I've been following your blog :P I just love how you're so candid, open, and honest! My name's Abbey and I live in CA, and I know what you mean about your fears of a long distance relationship and I also know what you mean that at some point you and your BF were at one point each others' only friend. I think that with how much you two mean to one another and what you both have been through, you should have anything to worry about. Like what MissChievous said, it might be good for the two of you. I hope you stop stressing out, and I hope you get to enjoy your graduation for what it really is, because graduating really is a big accomplishment! Congrats!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi tao, its going to be really hard to be away from your boyfriend for that long, but remember that you are both going off to do amazing things that will help you in the future, it is important to nurture your relationship with him but it is also vital that you take this time while you are young and enjoy yourself, good luck!

Anonymous said...

hi you sounds like me, i'm a homebody and don't really try to keep in touch with friends :p (i'm a bad friend).. your BF looks like a good guy and maybe you don't need to worry that much. You are young and you'll have a busy life this coming year. Try to explore more things during this year, make new friends, try new things, reinvent yourself and make yourself an even better person... you may have different vision of life and you won't be afraid of changes coming to your life... best wishes!

CupcakeSniper said...

Hi Tao! I'm so sorry that you are having to face this time of worry. The haunting "what ifs". I can completely understand of you fears of other women trying to intrude and not that you don't trust your boyfriend but that you know how deceiving other women can be. What I do want to say is that you guys have 5 years of amazing memories that no other girl can ever take away. Why would he want to lose his best friend? Most men cheat because their woman isn't their best friend and they long for that connectiong. That's the most precious thing anyone can ever have. From what you were saying it seems as though he'll be sooooo busy he won't have time to notice anyone else! Plus why would he ever want to when he has someone as beautiful as you who's beauty is both inside and outside.
He probably has a whole set of worries too. Have you guys tried talking about them and reaffirming security in the other?
Don't feel crazy if you're having all these worries, you're not going to be a psycho gf. You are just scared of losing the most important thing in your life which is completely understandable. Before you know it though, a year will go by! And just as Misschievous said, Skype is a GREAT tool of communication!!
Plus you always have people here for support during this time :D

honeyqq said...

hi tao! trust and communication is really important. i am married and my husband is working abroad.i also felt and thought the same, but trust is only the key.you may tell your BF about your feelings and i think he'll understand, as long as you keep your communication intact and your bond strong and by sending emails, IMs,using skype and phone calls.. every thing that will keep you in touch with each other.or plan about "what to do if" or "what if?" so that when you're in that situation, you are able to deal with your emotions.i think, if your BF loves you and gives importance with your relationship, he'll give effort to stay connected and open in his feelings,condition and in every thing that he does.he will keep you updated.and if he can't keep up with the high and lows,or let's say demands of his work and your relationship, just be strong for him and don't let any anger or frustration [that you can't be there for him,too ]hinder your priorities.let each other know that you're always and will be there [not literally physical] no matter what happens and that's love baby! stay in love =)you will see each other again.you can do it!
p.s. why not plan a short trip to his place? he will feel grateful and you too!