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Monday, April 13, 2009

School sucks....

some MAJOR wieners!!

I'm so sick of group projects. I'm sick of working with difficult people who think they are the shit. I'm sick of being the one that comes up with ideas only to be taken advantage of. I'm sick of 60 page papers, finals, and preparation for graduation. This should be the time to celebrate and relax, NOT a time to be stressing out.

In my opinion, it's natural to graduate from college. However, apparently in the US graduation is a BIG deal. My BF's got like 20 something ppl coming to his graduation....I've got two. Not like I'm complaining or anything, but I HATE dealing with other people. I don't want to pretend to be all nice and polite in front of his major douche baggy biological dad, who didn't pay a cent for child support and rent the ENTIRE time he's in college, but all of a sudden, "my son's graduating!". He drives an Infinity and his wife drives a BMW, yet they are some of the most selfish ppl I know. What a load of shit!! For those of you who didn't know, my BF's biological dad didn't want him to date me b/c I'm Asian....FUCK THAT SHIT!

I'm just so sick of pleasing everything. I have to arrange everything. My mom's really shy and she stresses out easily in social gatherings. So, it's up to me to work out the parental dynamics. My mom's too timid, and my bf's mom is way too intense. I just want to enjoy the last month of my undergrad, why is it so difficult?

My mom's trying to plan all these tours during summer. She wants to go to NY, CA, and Alaska, and she keeps asking me about my schedule. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW MY SCHEDULE WILL BE!!! I'm so tired of always keeping a happy face when in my heart I want to scream my head off. I want to go somewhere so no one can find me, contact me, and make me want to kill myself. I usually do well under pressure, but this is pushing my limit.

I'm at a wierd low right now. I need to pull myself together faster. The Parentals are coming in half a month.

Rant over,

p.s. I made Kimchi fried rice today and it was off the HOOK! It brought a little smile on my face. Next time I will take pix and recipe, eventhough it was easier than crap. LOL!


jennynotjen said...

hey tao,
i know how you feel. i'm in the midst of grad prep right now and trying to plan for grad school is stressing me out! trying to find a new apartment, new friends, new job! all the while trying to finish my undergrad with decent grades.

and i think the whole mom getting stressed in social situations is such an asian mom thing - my mom stresses out when one of my best friends from years ago drops by for a movie. it's so annoying! we shouldn't have to tiptoe around all of that!

but you can do it! i believe in you!! you seem like a very intelligent girl with a resilient point of view - don't give up, it's almost over!

<3 Jenny

ps. your sale items should be coming soon, i can't wait!

izumi said...

so sorry to hear about all of this nonsense :( i hate dealing with parents. when i first got into college, my mom said she wanted to come up by train and sleep over! LOL! i told her no and she got all butthurt. ugh~

woohoo, kimchi fried rice! can't wait for the recipe (:

PattyCakes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine said...

Aww, I know it's really stressful. I don't like parents or people very much either. Just... I guess since it's your bf's graduation, remind yourself that you're doing it for him mostly. And, if you guys stay together you'll have to deal with his family for a while to come. Good luck and early congrats! =)

Ethereal Prey said...

its always darkest before the storm, graduating is a big deal, and shows you accomplished a lot, but you gotta jump that one last hurdle before you can walk down in cap and gown. one thing i learned in college was that you're not gonna get along with everyone you meet, accept it and move on so you can get out of there as fast as you can! when you finally get out there, u can breathe and be happy.
don't let the stupid ppl get to you, they're stupid after all.

Jamilla Camel said...

I didn't even go to my college graduation, because I was already working overtime as an accountant (I graduated in March not June).

The whole Asian mother thing is a major stress load, I know. It will get better over time because you will be more in control of things.

Sad to say, working with obnoxious people who think they're better than everyone is STILL happening to me, 25 years on!! However, experience and confidence lets you deal with it a lot's just a matter of time.

Congrats on your graduation and grad school acceptance!

janicey said...

it's okay!
sometimes life doesn't go the way we want it to be! but it's only a phase.

cheer up!

madblusher said...

Yes, life finds its own way to annoy the hell out of us sometimes. Don't give up, Tao! I know you can get through this. =) Cheer up!

And we'll be waiting for the kimchi fried rice recipe. You're making me hungry!

fuzkittie said...

I feel like that sometimes, wanting to go somewhere where no one can find me! all will be better once you graduate!!!

GlamourGirl21 said...

I hope life stops annoying the hell out of you! BTW Kimchi fried rice= yummy :)

♡ Nic Nic ♡ said...

dont worry Toa, it'll be all over soon. shouldnt let small people get to you :) Im sure youll find schedule to have a vacation with your mom :)

~Mel said...

aww hun! gosh i totally know what you mean when it comes to parents.. how you should behave etc etc.. which is why i never like being around other ppl's parents bc i'm forced to behave a certain way and i dont like that... hang in there girl! we're here to support ya! u should do a food recipe entry too! hehe.. can't wait to see those!

Alice said...

darl. u think ur life is crap?
if it makes u feel any better, my bf gambled away all my savings...all the money i gave him to pay the rent (which is under my name). he is going to be homeless...and i cant change that. he is suicidal so i cant leave him either. im stuck in this fkn mess that i cant clear up. barrons of emotions and d road is pitch black... crying wont help me..ive tried. but im staying strong. u should too.
btw, i read ur blogs cos i feel i can relate to u...

Anonymous said...

it's so unfair that you say you can not leave your suicidal bf.
it's like you doing a lot of sacrifices.

you know that you deserve to be happy too, right? if you are not happy, leave him, but get him some help first, like counseling, or support group.

Anonymous said...

Dear Alice,

I don't know you obviously but I've been in a similar situation before.

I once lived with my then BF and we struggled so hard that I became REALLY depressed to the point of being suicidal. We didn't gamble our money away or anything it was just hard and we were very young at the time.

At the same time after a few years I felt stuck in a relationship bc I was so unhappy with him and he was unhappy with me. At the same time I did love him and I just lied to myself things will be all right. I'm glad he broke up with me at the end because he became a major jerk and if I stayed with him I would have gotten nowhere in my life.

I went back to living with my loving parents and now surrounded with some of my dearest old and new friends. I've accomplished so much since the breakup and I'm very happy, full of life and also in a very healthy and happy relationship.

Alice, I pray that you have a good loving family whom u can turn to or at least friends. Maybe your BF should go back to living with his family/friends/siblings and I hope that's an option.

I know we're all mere strangers but please know there is someone who cares out there for you. I'm glad you're staying strong.


You are one of the most "real" bloggers here. Even though I don't have one of my own I've always enjoyed reading everyone's blogs including urs for the past several months.

As for your BF's fake ass dad and his wife. Even though they're fake just don't let them get to you. You are better than they are and don't be intimidated by people like that or stressed out. Just be happy you're graduating and your BF too who seems like an awesome dude anyway.

And as for the dumb people at school, hey we all meet people like that in school so don't let get to you neither. Sure they may take credit for some of ur great ideas and hard work but YOU'RE the one who is graduating and when it comes to the REAL world you'll do just fine snagging an awesome job and they'll struggle.

Please don't stress out too much. THis time will pass.

Anonymous from the west coast.

LK said...

Hey Tao :)
Before you know it, this whole graduation ordeal will be over with!! And you will be on the next phase in your life.
I remember being in the same position as you are, with college and getting ready to graduate, amongst family problems. and it was a very stressful time!! But, you know, now that I look back at it, I wish I had taken the time to really enjoy the last few days with my college friends, because now I actually miss those people!! haha (even though, at times, I wish I was in another school!!!hehe)


P.S: If your bf's biological dad doesn't like you for being asian, then screw him!! haha!! You're gorgeous, and he should be flattered that his son is going out with such a hottie ;) said...

aw honeeey! take a deep breath and releaaaase...u need some "me time"! grab ur bf and have a great date..sometimes it's just so overwhelming...

*lots of hugs*

i know how it feels bcz i was in that situation last month...take a day off..or at least a few hours off..

parents are difficult to handle, but just keep smiling...we still have to respect our elders...if u get pissed and angry at them, it'll just give them pleasure cz that's what they them a big smile so that they know you're doing fine and it'll pissed the hell out of them!

tell ur mom to calm down and not to rush u in doing stuffs since u're busy..=)