I understand how people fall in love and get married, but I thought all relationships need time to blossom into something significant. These people we are talking about dated for like 3 weeks - 3 months max, and now they are getting married. Next thing you know, two complete strangers would just get married.
I don't care if they are married for convenience, lust, or love, it just sucks majorly being alone when everyone is talking about wedding plans and guest lists. Because other people are getting married and I'm not, I got the majority of the work for the assignment since "I have more free time".
I know I've mentioned how I don't think I'm the marrying type, but I can't help but feel a little insecure. Too many love tragedies remind me how men (women too) are untrustworthy. I don't regret spending the past 5 years with the BF because he truly is an amazing person and I've learned a lot from him. However, how does one know when the love just turns into just a sense of familiarity? I am no longer sure if we are staying together because we love eachother or are we just used to having the other person around. If we bothered to look, could we each find someone better?
I just feel a little threatened by all the cute girls in my BF's PHD program. What can prevent him from leaving me after he's done w/ his PHD and become successful? There's no guarantee. Nothing's set in stones. I know, I know, people get divorced, but at least they have 50%. I trust my BF to stay faithful, but what if I'm not good enough? What if, after spending the best years of my life on him, he leaves me for someone else? I just want to feel secure again. I just want to be able to hug him and kiss him whenever I want again, just like when we were living together.
Long distance relationship is really taking its toll on me. I'm the true Scorpio, so naturally I'm not very trusting, and being thousands of miles apart doesn't help. I know I sound desperate, but after being bombarded by all these wedding talks, I no longer want to face my uncertain future.
Enough ramble, I've a ton of assignments to do, thanks to being temporarily single.