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Thursday, January 7, 2010

Since when... (rant ahead)

...did everyone I know started pairing off and getting engaged? More importantly, why do they want to flaunt it to everyone else?

I understand how people fall in love and get married, but I thought all relationships need time to blossom into something significant. These people we are talking about dated for like 3 weeks - 3 months max, and now they are getting married. Next thing you know, two complete strangers would just get married.

I don't care if they are married for convenience, lust, or love, it just sucks majorly being alone when everyone is talking about wedding plans and guest lists. Because other people are getting married and I'm not, I got the majority of the work for the assignment since "I have more free time".

I know I've mentioned how I don't think I'm the marrying type, but I can't help but feel a little insecure. Too many love tragedies remind me how men (women too) are untrustworthy. I don't regret spending the past 5 years with the BF because he truly is an amazing person and I've learned a lot from him. However, how does one know when the love just turns into just a sense of familiarity? I am no longer sure if we are staying together because we love eachother or are we just used to having the other person around. If we bothered to look, could we each find someone better?

I just feel a little threatened by all the cute girls in my BF's PHD program. What can prevent him from leaving me after he's done w/ his PHD and become successful? There's no guarantee. Nothing's set in stones. I know, I know, people get divorced, but at least they have 50%. I trust my BF to stay faithful, but what if I'm not good enough? What if, after spending the best years of my life on him, he leaves me for someone else? I just want to feel secure again. I just want to be able to hug him and kiss him whenever I want again, just like when we were living together.

Long distance relationship is really taking its toll on me. I'm the true Scorpio, so naturally I'm not very trusting, and being thousands of miles apart doesn't help. I know I sound desperate, but after being bombarded by all these wedding talks, I no longer want to face my uncertain future.

Enough ramble, I've a ton of assignments to do, thanks to being temporarily single.



G_046 said...

first of all, congrats on your 5 year relationship. You are certainly have been together w/ your BF longer than my hubby and I. We've only been together for 4 years since our 1st date. =)

Hang in there w/ the long distance relationship. I realize both of you are in grad school and that's a lot of work. I don't want to sound like I'm preaching, but ... pray about it, and talk to the BF about both of your long-term goal. Marriage does take a lot of work, no need to hurry to decide =)

I wish you a good luck on your grad school and personal life. Don't let little things get you down =)


J. Su said...

Wow, people are getting married after 3 wks of dating? That's insane. I'm sure the chances of a divorce skyrocket with only 3 wks of dating, let alone 3 months.

Hang on to your relationship. Long distance relationships are hard. My sister had a relationship that the majority of the time was long distance (4 out of 5 yrs) and they got married when he moved from the UK to the US. Its tough but it can work if you're committed to it

leslielovesmakeup said...

EVERYONE has their own time difference, and every couple works out differently. I know a couple that knew each other for 7 days and got married, and are still happy til this day.

We're all human so feeling insecure about your relationship is okay. Does it mean that you don't trust him? No.

I married my husband after a year and we're still happy. I'm not saying we're perfect but we have learned how to understand appreciate each others values.

I think one of the biggest things is that ASSUMING really does only make things worst, so it's best to always ask even if it does get annoying. SO, if there is something you can't get off your mind, ask and don't assume.

It takes two to makes things work, marriage isn't scary, it's just that everyone has a different meaning of marriage and if the couple makes it clear how important it is, then it'll work.

leslielovesmakeup said...

Oh yes this will be our 5th year this year together.

ndoodles said...

I am single so I see couples around everywhere and I do get jealous sometimes. But really - I find that it is best to stop comparing myself to other people. My situation is my situation and such. So although those people look happy now - they are not perfect. I'm sure there are many things about you that people are jealous about!

charlieFlii said...

i believe that the way to love is to just love, to feel it, to experience it NOT to be loved in return. you give it freely and willingly. don't be scared. your bf must love you- he's been with you for 5 yrs!! i also believe that all things happen for a reason. a man who's going to stray will stray sooner or later. that's on HIM, not you. but tao- trust the man! that's on YOU. trust him!!

i'm not the marrying type either. LOL! but after 7 yrs of dating, i did marry my husband. marriage is wonderful but a lot of work and the truth is... it's not very different from when we were dating.

i have a very specific attitude when it comes to certain types of people~ i don't give a shit. LOL! you shouldn't either!

live your life! have fun! enjoy it! enjoy your relationship- even the distance.

GiGi said...

I have been married a long time! I have followed you here & on Yt & your relationship & up & downs.

I think it's normal to feel like this after being apart. Be sure, are you in love or comfortable. You could have the best guy in the world, but he's nor your guy! Don't let "other pretty" girls put u down, because when a guy is in love, he is, you're the one & only!

What do u think your BF thinks?

guitarrasara said...

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I am 26 and a lot of my friends have gotten hitched- to me it is completely crazy to get married so young! I think you're being realistic and very smart in being cautious.

I think the best you can do is to be your best self (with or without a man). If you love your BF, make sure he knows that through your actions and not just words. People do change, and people can disappoint you or do things you'd never imagine. If your boyfriend were to cheat on you, or leave you when he's done with school- it would have nothing to do with you. (That said communicating the consequences of cheating and both of your views on it is def. important!)

Many of my friends have stayed in relationships that make them feel comfortable and then regretted some of the years they "wasted". I think it is good for you to question those thoughts, and even talk to your BF about it. It might bring you two closer, or bring to light some concerns you both share about your relationship.

Sometimes separation makes you realize how important that other person is. Or if you're not missing your significant other, maybe it is a sign you're ready to move on!

All in all, remember that you're young, and you have your own path. It might sound cliche, but if you and your BF are "meant to be together" that will happen, eventually. Just stay true to yourself!

Marge said...

Thank you for sharing this on your blog.

five years is really something married or not. i've been living with my boyfriend for the last 6 years now and i get your 'hang ups' with regards to the women that surround 'our' men.

just know that with this blog entry of yours even people like myself (all the way fr the Philippines) are wishing you well. this is a challenge you are facing and this too, shall pass...


Carine said...

I wonder why people get married after they've known each other for only a few months. Marriage is supposed to be for life, and you can't know somebody after just a few months !

Personnaly, i don't think i can really love somebody for long..i just get bored so easily :/ anyways, don't let them bring you down. You're young, you have time to think about getting married ^^

Ethereal Prey said...

the older you get the smaller your pool of people to pick from gets, hence desperation sets in. So yeah, the time frame for which ppl date gets shorter and smaller, and they're just settling. its kinda sad and funny at the same time. but whatever. to each their own. don't get me started on that damn baby shower crap!

Anonymous said...

hey tao, i have exactly feeling as you do with my bf, i've been with this guy for 3 years and we've been broken up for 2wice already, the first time it was becoz his mom doesnt like me just becoz i am mainlander~(speechless but quite stupid) and that time we worked so hard to get back together and his mom is not just one eye open one eye close but she still doesnt really like me. and the 2nd time it was becoz he wants to be alone, his excuse was that he sometimes feels tired of being in a relationship. and now i am feeling really insecure becoz what happened in the past and i dun see a promise he is going to give anyway, we are just together and i am afraid to ask him the questions sth like "will you marry me or give me a promise"?. i know truely i am not ready for marriage yet but i just need something to secure me. i am really glad to read your posts here coz i feel the same way as you do, altho the problems are different.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao, I know exactly how you feel. Only my boyfriend is in another COUNTRY right now >.< But it's worth it, if you survive the distance in the end your relationship will be stronger. Have faith, and don't let those people bragging about their marriage plans bring you down, everyone knows half of marriages divorce! Marriage is just a certificate.. a love that is strong will be strong with it and without it.

Best of luck!