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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Why do people that love you the most....

...also annoy the shit out of you?

Yes, this is a rant. This ain't beauty-related. If you don't want your day to be ruined by my potty mouth/foul attitude, it'd be best for you to exit this blog right now. Come back tomorrow and I might be all cheery and fun again. Either that, or I will be so loaded up on caffeine, but you won't be able to tell anyway.

I've been driven crazy by people who are close to me; people who, as they say, love me the most and want to shield me from all bad things. However, when it comes to a point where I want to join the Witness Protection Program in order to not have to call/see you, it's no longer called love.

I'm at a point in my life right now to make some tough decisions. I need to focus on my courses in order to graduate in May; I need to find a job out in Colorado so I can be with my BF after graduation; and I also need to figure out what to do with my townhouse after I leave Gainesville. All these shit have been taking a toll on my mood.

Thus, it's suffice to say all the questioning I've been getting from my mom, the BF, and his mom haven't been helping.

The things my mom asks:
"Are you looking for a job?" "What kind of job are you looking at?" "That's BLUE-COLLAR!! My daughter can't work blue collar jobs!" <---This is after I told her I want to work at MAC if I can't find other jobs. "What are you gonna do with the place?" "How are your classes going? I hope you aren't making me disappointed." "Why can't you get a job? So & So got a job that pays $80,000 straight out of college. What's wrong with you?" "Why are you spending so much money?"

The things my BF asks:
"Are you coming out to Colorado?" "Are you getting a job?" "Are you looking for jobs?" "What kind of stuff do you want to do when you come out during Spring Break?" "Where are you gonna live? We need to find a new place cuz my apartment isn't big enough for all your crap." "What would you do if you can't find a job in Colorado? Are you just gonna sit at home? I won't be able to support both of us and two cats with my salary."

The things his mom asks:
"Are you moving out to Colorado to keep my son company?" "When are you getting married?" "I want my grandbabies. When are you going to have kids?" "How's the job searching thing going?" "How are your classes? What are you taking? Can you handle them?"

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP! Everyone. Just chill the fuck out and shut the fuck up. I don't know what's going on. I don't know how I'm going to get a job. I don't know what to do with my townhouse. I don't know I don't know I don't know.

While some of you might think the questions are normal, it gets really annoying after the 10th time. The thing that makes me angry is that while they ask those and demand answers, they don't help me to find a solution.

The MOST annoying one is my mom. She's your typical overprotective Asian mom. While my BF envies that she provides financial support for me, he doesn't know how annoying it is to HAVE to call her 5 times a day to "check in". She doesn't listen. She doesn't stop talking when I try to explain my side of the story. She doesn't stop nagging. She has all my information for everything: banks, credit cards, schools, EVERYTHING. She would call somewhere pretending to be me to get information/update. Sometimes she'll talk on a phone and I will go get a drink of water/pee, and when I'm come back 5 mins later she'll still be talking.

I can't take it anymore. I just want to go somewhere where no one knows me and no one cares to know me. I just want to be by myself. I don't want to call anyone, see anyone, pretend to be anyone. I want to be in Witness Protection Program. I really do. I just want a job, no matter how crappy it is, as long as it pays the bill. I just want to be financially independent. I'm not the little girl and I don't want to be protected anymore. I'm 22 for fuck's sake. Let me be myself.

I want to disappear so no one can find me. Or, I want to win the lottery jackpot and just shove it in everyone's faces to shut them up.

FML.

I'm out.
Tao



32 comments:

Lez said...

*hugs* Sometimes it's hard to ignore every one, but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do...

So ROCK ON, Tao. :)
Concentrate on yourself and you'll be peachy-keen. ^__^v

kechiko said...

Wow so sorry to hear that :( I understand - it's like, don't they know that you're already thinking about these things, and them asking you about it point blank doesn't do anything to HELP your situation?

Hang in there Tao - you'll come out of this all the stronger and wise!

Vanessa M. said...

amen!!

Beautymarked16 said...

Wow. I haven't been there yet, but I've felt similar towards other people in my family/life. That's a lot of stress to put on one person.

You could try explaining (very gently) to them that nagging you about these things is only causing you more stress. It might not make them stop, but even if you could get one of them to let up a little it would be easier I think. I know you probably don't want to make them feel bad (I wouldn't) but if they're making you this crazy they need to know so you don't wind up cracking.

I hope everything works out for you soon... you should take a weekend where you do nothing. Or even just a day. Turn off your phone and your computer and just chill.

scarlet empress said...

oh god, my mother is the same exact way, pretending to be me to even talk to creditors when they call (see what im doing on my cc's), opening my mail and then saying she thought it was hers, um k...ya right lol, she supports me too and b/c of this i have to go by her rules, her strict, crazy foreign rules at that, like helllooo we're in america lol. the list could go on and on, she needs to constantly remind me of what all i need to get done, like im an adult ik what all i need to do, u dont need to nag me abt them, ill get them done!

but i guess at the end of the day, as crazy as it gets, id rather have people who care and nag then no one to ask my about my day, my decisions, etc at all, ya know?

hang in there, just talk to them about how annoying its getting, and hopefully all the questioning/nagging will stop

<3

Violet Honeybee said...

*huggs i know how you feel.. my mom supports me financial but because she does she thinks she has the right to basically control my ENTIRE life. Then when I get mad she says I'm being ungrateful and I'm unappreciative.. etc etc etc. It's pretty tough all around.

It sucks to hear all that and I totally feel you but just work at your OWN pace and just tune it all out. If you want to work at MAC, work at MAC! My mom always compares me to all the other friends' kids and it drives me up a wall, but what can you do right??

*huggs hang in there and go do some retail therapy it always helps me lol

charlieFlii said...

hahahahaaaaaa

moments like these are why i go into "hermit mood" and EVERYONE knows that means...LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! LOL

sometimes i think there are good intentions behind all the things they say/ nag about... other times...pulease... they are just straight up annoying and i don't care about their "good" intentions! truth is you are not a complete idiot otherwise you wouldn't be where you are... let them know you need your space and you need them to have some faith in you...so stop it with the pressure...

don't get wrinkles over this tao...
<3 <3 <3

Une fille Lambda said...

I so know how you feel. I have been seeking for a job for 4 months now and everyone ask me all the time "why are you still unemployed you've the best grade and diploma? You may be searching the wrong way... Try to do something else, ask for a lower wage, forget some of your diploma..." The most annoying one being: if you do not find, it means you do not want it hard enough!"
Someone kill me please!

Tamara said...

Oh, I'm so sorry this is happening to you *hugs*

Think about what you will do, what you WANT to do, don't let others dictate your style of life!

Carine said...

Ouch, they're giving you a hard time :( If they don't listen to you when you tell them to leave you alone, just don't answer. My mom stopped asking when I started to stop talking !

MacNhearts said...

OMG Tao we are in the same boat. I get the same questions daily minus the job part. But marriage, kids, school, blah blah blah. Hang in there. You can always run away to Arizona and we can make a run for the Boarder! :) Maybe I can help with a job in CO? If you think of something that you think will keep me interested I'll try to help. Hang in there, and you are right they need to chill out! I hope it gets better soon!

Jamilla Camel said...

Hey Sweetie: You must move out of state and disconnect from your mom as soon as reasonably possible even if it means working at MAC. There's a RECESSION ON, for god's sake!!

Financial Independence - Parental Control = life satisfaction--but it doesn't happen overnight!

GOOD LUCK!!

Anonymous said...

oh shit, you know what! i am exactly in the same position as you are and i'm 31 years old. i also have a child and a boyfriend that been together for years. i have an asian mom too and she still nagged at me like i was 18 years old. i hadn't asked for her money since i was 19. i supported myself throghout my uni and she still nagging at me. the last time i was spoking to her was when we were in thailand about six months ago (i would never go on holiday with my mom ever again). at last i can have some peace and quite...lol.
you go girl, just do what you think its right for you and if you make a mistake.. well you can learn from it. good luck babe.

Helen said...

Oh boy...I totally feel the same way right now. Just about to graduate, and all these relentless people refusing to lay off. I think there comes a point in every asian girl's life where she has to cut the apron strings hard. doesn't matter if it means going "blue collar" for a while. besides, i think you learn a lot from those "lower-level" jobs--stuff you can't learn in school and stuff you need to know before you're 30.

anyway, chill out, tune everyone else out till you can hear yourself. it helps to be kind of zen about it all.

Stephanie said...

I totally understand how you feel, only it's with questions involving high school and college instead of college and work. It's SO frustrating, and I wish for the same thing as you, I want to live independently where I am not asked a million questions per day! The whole Asian parent thing does get extremely annoying even when they financially support everything. :/

Makeup On A Budget said...

I know how it feels. I've been there and I'm still there now. Hang in there Tao :)

-Fellow Florida Gator!

glitteryeyesxx said...

Aww, I'm so sorry. DON'T let anyone influence you into doing anything you DON'T want you to do. I know how you feel right now...sometimes, when everyone is trying to shove their 2-cents down your throat (usually through the annoying tactic of intense interrogation), it can cloud your own judgment and silence the voice inside of you.

The best thing to do? Honestly, I just go with the typical "smile-and-nod" method (when my mom is nagging/bitching at me, I just tune her out...so I can see her mouth moving but I'm playing the Jeopardy theme song inside my head, hahahahaha). YOU DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS BEST FOR YOU!!! No one knows you better than yourself, right? So that's all that matters =) Hang tight, girl, and be strong. This too shall pass.

gabriella said...

Asian mom's are the exactly the same style.
I have told my mom that I am probable working for some cosmetics company after I am finishing the master. She said, what?! I paid u so much to get u work for that kind of work?! But how I should know what to do after 2 years? I just wanna try to work for what i love. Isnt it wrong? And that doesnt mean I wont get well paid....
Anyway, that's only one thing. My mom's still introduce me boys to be my bf even i am thousands miles away!!!!! how ridiculous?! And she takes that seriously....not only for being bf, but HUSBAND!! hahah, you have some comfort after my story? I am really speechless.

Lorie said...

I've always noticed the competitive thing with asian mom's. They all want to be proud of their children, and I get that. It reflects on them. They want to see you succeed. As for the bf, I don't know what to say there. He needs to man up and find a job that can support the two of you, not just him. That would put your mom and his mom at ease. It'll get easier. Just breathe!

Sofia said...

That's a good rant, Tao. I hear you, I was in the same situation not so long ago. I'm sorry you have to go through all this shit. Just hang in there, things will work out eventually. There's nothing wrong with working at MAC until you can find a good career. Stay strong and sassy! We love you!!

PincStuff said...

Yikes, I think we've all been there/going through it. I too am graduating this spring and its like madness i tell ya~ frantic hunt for employment when jobs are scarce. Personally, I put the stress on myself, while my loved ones de-stress me -_____-" But hang in there girly, you can do it!! xoxo

K / BihadaDiaries said...

*hugs* How come most Asian moms are like this? Mine is horrible as well... even though I have a good job, she bugs me about still being single!

I know that explaining doesn't help with your mom, but maybe it will help with your bf!

Natalie Nguyen said...

Oh man.. I can only imagine how you feel. But I feel for you and understand where you're coming from. Hang in there..!! *hugs*

And your rant? Well said. Well executed.

~Mel said...

aww girl.. hang in there! they all want what's best for you but sometimes they just don't know how to express it the right way without sounding so demanding.. hope everything works out for you soon!

Angel said...

That sucks! That is understandably stressful. You're getting questions and demands from every frikken angle and they don't seem as supportive as the could be. That is harsh! X_X I hope it gets better for you soon.
I can't believe that you are only 1 year older than me! I don't feel very accomplished. X_X;; lol I am still in college at this age. I bet you'll get a good job and everything will fall into place and will get better. Keep your chin up and feel free to vent! It's your blog, and writing it all out really helps. :)

Anonymous said...

My parents are exactly the same. They’re still asking even after I had graduated and am supporting myself. It started with the job questions to the now, why aren’t you visiting type questions. It’s like they wanted me to find a job and now that I have one which don’t allow for me to have much time for anything else they ask why have I basically abandon them! But I’ve learned to accept/ignore the nagging. Yeah it gets annoying but they’re just worried that’s all. I mean if it wasn’t for the nagging I honestly think I wouldn’t have finished grad school. And you know what; we’re probably going to end up being exactly like them when we have kids of our own. I know we say we wouldn’t but I’m sure they’ll be some nagging in us one way or another. Comon’! We’re Asians! ;)

As for the whole moving to CO thing, honestly, if you could find good job where you’re living just stay there. Maybe more to another city or something, away from you’re parents. I know that sounds bad but it’ll allow for you to be more independent. You wouldn’t have to rely on your parents and bf. I love CO though. I lived there for about six years. It’s hard finding a job in Boulder b/c it’s farther out but if you’re willing to commute 30-1 hr, I’m sure you’ll find something.

Miss Andrea said...

I felt sorta the same way today! Ièam also looking for a job after school is finished to be with my bf....I was actively searching until he realized today that he may not be getting a cricket in the original town as planned! And now I have to wait to see where I will be spending the next 6 months in England and cannot search for a job because I have no sweet clue where Ièll be! Ugh!

Jules said...

Hey Tao. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you're going through. I've been in your position so many times before and it wasn't until I got married that I finally stopped to ask myself..."What do I want?" I even have it written on a board next to my computer desk so that I'm reminded each day. No matter what happens, don't forget that this is YOUR life, you call the shots. Do what makes you happy.

V. said...

And I was just wondering if I really am the only person in the world who hates her mom for loving me so irreasonably much to the extent I hate her for the things she does because of this while the whole wide world love their mothers, and get along so fine. But all I can say, drag thru, and stay stubborn, and do ur own thing! It won't help w/ ur mum or bf or his mum, but it'll help u!

Anonymous said...

same thing goes for me! I even avoid parties and such because my mom calls me about ten times consecutively. She drives me insane! She doesn't support my decisions and wants me to do things her way. She doesn't believe in me too! But what can we do? our moms can't change. I try to ignore her, but sometimes it's just too crazy.

lavanya said...

nice blog...really nice..

xixi said...

I went through almost the exact same thing a year ago when I was about to graduate college. The whole asian parent thing is very very annoy, it's hard not to lose who you are being an asian child sometimes. Just keep your eye on the price, you will figure everything out as the decisions are being made. good luck!