Factor that with 4 grad-level classes that are squished within 8-week period, graduate thesis, and the interstate move to Colorado in 2 months, you get a psychotic Tao.
I had to make my first call to a recruiter this morning to let her know that I've sent her my resume. Her company is based in Boulder CO, and it's an advertising firm. Everything's exactly perfect for me, and the first step I had to take was to give her a call.
What did I do?
I freaked out for about 2hrs and cried my eyes out.
Yes, what people go through every single day made me have an psychotic breakdown. My mom literally thought something bad happened to my BF due to the way I was crying. After hrs of stressing out and tears, I called the lady....and reached her voice mail. I felt stupid for losing my temper over a silly phone call, but at that time, the fear and the nervousness really got the best of me.
My family and BF are all very supportive. Even though they taunt me relentlessly with their questions, I know they mean well. They've said on numerous occasions that it's more than fine if I don't get a job. They said that I've been busy ever since I was about 3. I've never had a relaxed vacation. I've always taken different classes during my summer "vacation". Piano, calligraphy, AP classes, dual enrollments, etc. My mom mentioned that since I completed both my undergrad and master in 4 years, I deserve a year of break. My mom and my BF said that I don't have to worry about finances, they've taken care of that part.
However, the pressure is from myself. I guess since I've always been successful at pursuing what I wanted, it made me not handling failures very well. I kept putting off job hunting because if I don't look for jobs, then I'm unemployed b/c I choose to be. If I went and looked yet still unemployed, that means I'm rejected. I don't know about you guys, but rejections counts as a HUGE failure in my book.
When I applied to undergrad, I only applied to UF. If it didn't accept me then I would've had no where to go. I got in.
When I applied for Masters, I only applied to the MAIB program at UF. If I didn't get it, then I would've had no where to go. Again, I got in.
I feel like my luck has ran dry. I know that I won't be able to get the first job I applied for. There are bound to be rejections. Everyone and their grandmas have been looking for jobs with no avail. Business degrees are no longer that in-demand anymore. A lot of times I wish I would've studied something more specific, like graphic design or cooking, etc.
Job hunting for me is not mostly about money, it's about my pride. I don't want to be 22 and sit at home doing nothing. I want to be able to tell others that "Yes, I have a job". I know it's vain but that's just how I feel.
I envy those of you who have jobs. Very much. So my word of advise is that don't screw it up. I see people everyday performing poorly on their jobs, and I want to scream at them "DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE A JOB? DON'T LOSE IT!".
I'm blabbering. I need to stop. Oh yeah, I created a Twitter under iamgrape1119. Feel free to follow me!