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Monday, August 1, 2011

Don't you just want to blend in?

Today I want to talk about a topic that's close to my heart. It's not beauty related and could get ramble-y.

I've NEVER blended in anywhere in my life.

While I've always had a group of friends, I never felt that I was very emotionally involved with anything. I'm the kind of people who can be your best friend when we're in class/at work, but you don't know much about me. I don't like talking about my personal life. As many of you noticed (and pointed out), I don't social network and talk a lot about what's going on in my life. I just don't feel comfortable sharing stuff like that with a lot of people. Internet doesn't go away. Everything you say, everything you do could potentially turn on you in the future.

I feel horrible for saying this, but the only person who I share absolutely everything with is Nathan. That's right, I even pick and choose with the stuff I tell my mom. I love my mom, but she's the type of parents who always want to have the last word. When I tell her stuff she will always use that to teach me a lesson. While I appreciate that, at times I get overwhelmed. I've learned from experience that Nathan won't judge me and try to change me.

I've always thought that something's wrong with me. Nothing excites me, nothing intrigues me, nothing could make me care.

You know the type of people who are just sooo good at dealing with others that they just seem to effortlessly make everyone like them? Yeah, that's not me. I just simply don't care to suck up, to fake, or to lie my way to friendship. When I was little, I've tried really hard to blend in, to be "popular". As I got older, I realized how draining that way of life is. Not that I don't still want to be well-liked and popular, at this point in my 23 years of life, I simply do not care.

I don't care that some people don't like me. You can't please everyone. I've learned to be true to myself. You don't always have to be defensive, but definitely don't go out of your way to change yourself in order to fit in. That way of life will come back and bite you in the butt.

Honestly, take it from someone who's been through it all: Be true to yourself. I know it's cliche, but in the long run, your life will get easier and less stressful. Was it lonely in the beginning? A little bit. Did it get better? Absolutely.

Lastly, I leave you all with the wise words of Beauty Addict Kitty:
submitted by tumblrcreepn

Have a wonderful day. Remember, always be true to yourself. If someone doesn't accept you for who you are, they'll never truly accept you.




Hailey said...

Wow, I feel the same as you. Being Asian, Korean to be specific, my parents always wanted me to be the best out of everyone. Sadly, I wasn't best at everything. They always try to give me lessons so I don't tell them about my 'stuff' unless it's related to them. Sad, but I kind of blame my parents for making me to not to talk to them.
I feel the same way as you do with friends. I wanted to blend in so I was this whole new person that I wanted to be. I pretended like someone else, but not me. I couldn't fake it all the way so people left. I felt destroyed, however, kinda glad that they left because true friends stayed. If someone likes you when you're not yourself, that person doesn't deserve you nor you should try to please them. I know it's hard to accept the fact that you can't be liked by everyone, but it's true.
I am glad that I only have a few friends now. They truly accept me for who I am and I feel loved. I only focus on my true friends and develop friendships with them. I don't try to make people like me because it is just too emotionally consuming. Let yourself be true and some people will be true to you.
<3 this post, good night! :)

JW said...

Wow, this is just like me. Especially your statement about being best friends at school/work/wherever but you know nothing about me.
Glad that you've found Nathan who understands though, it's always great to have someone to talk to. :)

Jamilla Camel said...

Hi Tao, I think that this is part of being Asian - we are more private, and tend to only share our innermost thoughts and feelings with people that we are closest to, usually a partner. I also keep my private thoughts to myself with most people, including my parents. Also, being mixed race, I'm going to be very different from people anyway, lol! I was the only Asian person in my group of friends in High School, too. If you are different, that makes you have unique points of view, which are valuable.

Value your uniqueness, and stay special!

sugarbumpkin said...

*hugs you to bits*

I know you feel. The only person I tell everything to is my boyfriend. With everyone else I feel like I'm expected to be a certain way. It's a bit hard sometimes, but I'm happy being me, and not faking myself.

Alice said...

I love your life/non-makeup posts. And I do understand where you're coming from because I don't have many (actually any) female friends and I find it hard to make girl friends so my bf ends up being my confidante and hearing a bunch of things that he probably doesn't want to know.
AND my mom is totally the same way: tell her ANYTHING and you will never ever hear the end of it :)

cream puff said...

I agree with Jamilla. It's the way how Asian parents teach their children. I recently had a long talk with some friends about this topic. In the end I get the impression it's all about the way how you protect yourself. By getting involved with others you will make yourself vulnerable, like you're revealing weak points which can be used against you later on. Sometimes I get this feeling, too. However, like you said it's very important to stay true to yourself, I don't want to try so hard to be someone that I'm not and never will be. In the meanwhile I just try to be myself, I'm not that sort of person who likes to keep everything to myself, I'm willing to let others know how I feel and I've been told that this it what makes me down to earth and amiable. Of course, I do make myself vulnerable but at the same time I'm not letting my guards down so easily as it seems. I'm fully aware that some people are despising me but I don't care that much, because there's still the other fraction who are loving me the way I am.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao, this was such a great, honest post. You're not alone. I also have a hard time opening up to people. I felt like I should have a huge social circle but that's just not me. I have been slowly trying to find my path, and I'm looking forward to becoming more sure of myself. Good luck to you =]

jenn said...

I feel this so much. Thank you for writing this blog post. <3

Shelly said...

Oh Hai.. Tao.

I totally relate to you on this post. I'm the type who's friendly but I don't keep people close enough to really be my friend. I'm an only child so that's most likely the reason. I'm trying to be more open minded (or open-hearted-- tho that sounds a bit funky lol) so maybe I can fix that little problem of mine. But don't fret Tao! You have your readers here too :)

ChinaDoll said...

This is a beautiful post, Tao!And you don't have to worry just like what the other commenters said...they do feel the same, they share the same sentiments with you.


Silvertigo said...

Lovely blog, so I'm totally following ;) hope you can check out my blog too :)

miemiemie said...

i know what you mean with THOSE PARENTS that always have to be right and they always have the last word. i know! coz both of my parents are like i choose stuff that i say..sometimes when i'm too emotional and overwhelmed, i end up saying too much and i would definitely regret it afterwards..

there's nothing wrong with you dear. i feel the same only my SO knows about everything..i've never stood out back in school. i was more of the doormat..hahaha

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao. I'm actually a sub from your youtube channel when I stumbled on to your blog.

I understand your sentiments. Every since I was in elementary school I realized that I didn't really fit in. I loved doing things on my own and am the type of person who rather stay at home watching tv/reading alone than going out. It was hard fitting and towards high school I stopped trying. I had a group of friends but looking back I bet most of them knew less than 5 personal things about me. It was emotionally taxing and when I tried to be myself some of them never accepted. When I'm talking to those 'friends' I realized I cared so little for them and their opinions that why am I bother trying?

Sometimes we just need to appreciate ourselves and learn the power of being alone. Being a alone is not a sign of weakness but a showcase of strength. Though my circle of friends now is small, I realized they are those who I truly care about.

I'm glad you found Nathan and I am glad to have found your blog.

Lou said...

There is one good thing about sharing things online though.. It attracts people just like you without you ever having to open up your mouth to speak.

Just be mindful with what you share and that the haters will always be there :)