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Saturday, February 25, 2012

Everything Happens For A Reason... (LONG post)

That saying used to make me stabby. It sounds too...reactive. It was as if everything in life has already been planned out and you have no control over it.

Now I know better. Now I know that people who say "Everything happens for a reason" might not believe in this phrase themselves either. Yet, the pain of reality is so great that they have to think of something, anything, to make sense of it all. Maybe if you realized that a greater power (God, destiny, etc etc) is paving the path of your life, it might not hurt as bad to face the future.

I am one of those people who use that phrase now.

Nathan and I are on a break indefinitely.

He initiated it, but at the end, it was a mutual decision.

He was my best friend, confidant, lover, and above all, my safe haven. He was always there to comfort and encourage me through every hurdle life threw in my direction. I was lucky enough to have him in my life for more than 7 years and made some amazing memories together. I will always cherish them no matter what.

However, as we get older and embark on different journeys in life, our personalities as well as goals changed. The differences that used to make us have fun little banter have progressed to something that's irreconcilable. We no longer have school, same group of friends, and daily activities to hold us together.

Work has taken a toll on both of our lives. Nathan's very stressed out with his research as a PhD student, since he holds himself to a very high standard, and anything less than 100% drives him bonkers. My training so far has been hard HARD work and leave me exhausted every single day. Our conversation became mundane. If you havn't noticed, we aren't very exciting people/lead exciting lives. At some point in time, we both realized that we've became more like friends as opposed to a couple. I've thought about it but didn't want to point it out.

Nathan did. I'm glad he did. The second he mentioned it it was as if a floodgate has been opened. We talked about everything that's been going on in our lives and both agreed that it'd be best to take a break. When's the end point? No one knows. At this point, I don't know anyone cares. We both just want to focus on getting through what we needed to do and address the future of us when we get to it.

Some of you might be wondering: Do you regret taking up the job in Atlanta? If you stayed in Boulder, things would've been great. I have wondered the same thing. Yet, I will say with confidence that I do not regret my decision. I have met some wonderful people during my training here in Atlanta and had so much fun. I also have learned SO much, not just about work, but life in general. Am I still socially awkward? The answer is yes, or as one of my colleagues would put it, "Is the Pope Catholic?". However, I'm LESS awkward now. That's an improvement. I am doing my best everyday to make sure that my life is becoming better.

The thing that annoys me is that when I tell people what had happened, they react with such concern as if I were going to off myself. I'm not going to lie, did I cry when we ended things? Of course. Do I still have random outbursts of tears? Definitely. Do I still subconsciously dial Nathan's number right before I go to bed? Unfortunately, yes. Will life go on? You bet your sweet ass it will. Life will not only go on, I will make it my job to enjoy every minute of it.

I don't know what's going to happen in the future between Nathan and I. All I know is, everything happens for a reason. It might be that this break happened so we can strengthen our relationship and rekindle the love, or it happened so we can find someone better. Either way, I'm excited to see what future has in store for me.

Please remember to no take things for granted. Don't make the mistake I made by assuming everything is going ok because issues are being ignored. Most importantly, never EVER give the control over your life to someone else. You have to be independent and able to adapt. Shit happens and we have to be able to deal with it.

I guess this post was pretty pointless for many of you, but I still appreciate those who made it this far down in the post. To lighten up the mood a little, here's a little preview of an upcoming post:



Thank you for reading. Make good choices.

Enjoy your Saturdays! 

Tao

50 comments:

Lizzy said...

great post tao.
i've been following your blog/youtube for a while now and am inspired by your insight and progress. good luck :)

polagurling dot com said...

Great post. Something I just needed to read at this point in time.

P.S.
I read all of it! :)

vixen said...

Thank you for this post. It's nice (and sometimes necessary) when you're in a really comfortable long term relationship to be reminded not to take things for granted. I actually went through the same thing in a previous relationship, but then it was only 2 years and we never had as much fun banter as the two of you did (that was evident in your videos) although I found that after the relationship, we became the best of friends and had a crazy fun time laughing at everything so that was my "everything happens for a reason". Anyhow I wish you all the best and I'm glad for your excitement and anticipation of what's to come

*awkward hug* :)

sugarbumpkin said...

Best of luck in all that you do, Tao, and I hope your journey will be happy and healthy.

Angelica said...

I'm not going to say I'm sorry for your breakup because you are clearly doing what's best for you guys. I hope this break affords you the time you need to figure yourself out.

Best wishes for everything in Atlanta! :D

My money, my life said...

What a well-written post. I used to also be annoyed with the saying "everything works for a reason", it sounded so passive to me. But I think a more positive spin on it is that "everything seems to happen for a reason because we make the best of it in the end."

No matter what the outcome of your indefinite break, I have no doubt that you'll make the best of it. I hope that you'll get some clarity and a renewed sense of independence from it. You seem like such a smart, young and vibrant woman, I'm not worried about you at all :) All the best, and keep us updated on your journey!

T.R. said...

Well I am one of those that believes everything happens for a reason. Because when those things happen (good, bad and shitty) we grow and learn more about ourselves and hopefully take that knowledge to grow into a better version of ourselves.

Sweetie you are on your way to great things. Now I ain't gone lie (as I'm a few -okay more than a few- years older) sometimes that road will be hard and bumpy and you'll wonder if you'll make it through. Sometimes the only lesson is just holding on through the rough patches. But I can see you'll be fine. You are right about you and Nathan, this is an amazing time and opportunity for both of you.

Just enjoy your moment's of getting to know the adult Tao. Keep the best of young Tao and grow into the best of adult Tao you will have everything you want. Personally I'm excited as heck for you!!!!!

I'm a native of ATL so I hope the city is treating you well. :o)

zest said...

Hi, I randomly read your blog now and then. Today's probably like the first time I've ever commented. I just want you to know I went thru the same ordeal with my ex a few years ago. He was my everything.. I mean literally. We went thru the whole she-bang..just we didnt' get married, though he was tinkering on it. Reading your post just made me re-live all those same emotions/decisions/thoughts him and I went thru 4 yrs ago. We were together for 5 yrs. My first love. You'll be fine in the long run. Trust me. I'm just as independent as you...I'm finally going thru with my Masters Program in MS. I do find myself thinking of him ALL THE TIME, and it makes me cry. But I just quietly remind myself, perhaps God had someone else in mind for me.......Just try to find comfort in exploring things you've never done before. It'll help you cope. Stay strong girl.....

Judy said...

Good luck with everything!! What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger! :)

AnitaTrieu said...

I've been following you for a while too Tao and I love your motivated personality and ability to always look on the bright side of things. I'm very likely to be going away from friends and family for grad school soon too and I'm nervous. I hope you the best with your training and don't lose hope. We all love your YT videos and amazing smile so keep it up! ^.^

Asialynn26 said...

Everything does happen for a reason... Use this time in your life to find yourself and have fun! You have such an awesome outlook on life... I wish I were more like you when I was your age :-) I truly enjoy reading your blog... I can't wait to hear more about your new adventures in life.... and in makeup of course ;-D.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure it's hard to split after 7 years of relationship but everything will be fine,sun will shine again.

Chel said...

long-time reader here but I dont really comment.

I'm sorry things are this way with Nathan, but I am so proud of how you are handling this.

Stay strong. And thanks for reminding me not to take things for granted.

Jamilla Camel said...

Tao, the same thing happened to me. In fact, I was married to that person for 13 years - we got married in college. But you are right - as you mature into adults and move into your 30's (sometimes earlier, as in your case), things can change radically and result in a complete change of direction for each person in a relationship. It was hard to move on, but my life is better for it. As you said, never EVER give the control over your life to someone else! Good luck and drop me a mail if you want to chat.

Michelle said...

All the best to you Tao! Stay strong and happy. (:

Sue Lynn said...

My reply, is as usual, waaaay too long for this comment box >.<

*hint: Inbox!*

BV said...

Tao, in time I think you will see that this is for the best. (Hope you don't feel stabby although that comment often makes me feel bayyyd)

Independence is the key. As my mother always says, men come and go but you will remain the same. Never hitch your wagon to a man and let your own dreams fall by the wayside..

Time heals all wounds. As a child of divorce believe me nothing is worth staying with someone you don't feel desperately in love with.

Much love to you
BV

anythiiinggoes said...

Be strong and goodluck there in Atlanta! :-) All the best!

Jacq said...

support you sincerely, as always.

:) keeping you and nathan in my prayers~

my work life is so stupidly stressful for a while now (although i'm keeping scheduled blogposts up)....

anyway, cheers,
jacq~

Leticia - Cosmetics Aficionado said...

All the best on the new path your life has taken. :)

Bonnie said...

I have followed your blog and youtube for a while now Tao and have always sort of looked up to you. You're really amazing...

May you get everything out of life you hope for...cheers!

Jenny C. said...

Hi Tao. I've been a longtime reader. I think you're really brave for putting yourself first. It's easy to lose sight of things, but I'm sure you'll put everything into perspective and better things will come your way. Thank you for the reminder. Best of luck! :)

Jela said...

Best of luck to you, Tao!

GS said...

I'm sorry for everything that's happening between you and Nathan... I can relate to that feeling that everything is like falling apart, I myself have been going through a similar situation, but you have to be glad that at least you had the opportunity to talk and put things clear. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and may the best happen to you guys!

Anonymous said...

wow, that was so inspirational to read your post. My boyfriend and I are on a break as well, officially since last Friday. I'm also in the same boat of all the unknowns and uncertainties. I am also doing the same subconcious things and routines. I hope and know both of us will make it through okay. I've been following your blog and have known you to be an amazing and very intelligent, hard-working girl...Stay Strong and yes, Enjoy Life!!

Anonymous said...

hey Tao, ive been a long time reader of your blog and youtube channel. i understand what your going through right now. seven years spent with anyone is a long time.
No matter what the future holds I know you will be strong. Concentrate on yourself, find who you are, and love life.
Think about it this way. You can spend time knowing yourself all over again.

I wish you the best of luck.
you know you can always talk to us, your followers on here.

-selena08

Anonymous said...

Great post :) I hope you'll enjoy work and discover yourself more =)

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I've been following your blog since 2008, and your youtube channel since november 2007. I've been
following you through different phases of your life, and it is somehow touching to see you taking a new step in an unknown territory and see you mature.

Even though, the break up with Nathan is painful, I know you will be stronger. What does not kill you makes you stronger.

-Lin

miemiemie said...

omg tao, i'm so sorry to hear that but i am also glad to hear that you are coping well. i'm not sure if you remember me, i hope you do, but i used to leave comments as well regarding your relationship status from way back. i too broke up with my long term bf (6+ years) last year and i believe that it was for the best. moving on was extremely hard, i thought i wasn't going to make it..but i eventually did and i am very happy now. i hope you find happiness and enjoy being single. :) this is a learning experience for you and it will be something to look back on in the future.

emigre said...

Hugs!

会过去的!

Give yourself time to heal.

~Mel said...

girl, didn't know u're in atl!? will prob be there for a wedding in the summer.

as to your post, i do believe everything happens for a reason and it's great that you were able to step back to see the situation at hand. you def never know what will happen in the future but i can see you'll embrace every bit of it.

all the best to you tao!

<3 Mel

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao,

I have been following your blog for some time now, but I never thought about leaving a comment until now. Just a week ago, my boyfriend of five years decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. It hurt a lot, but reading your post has given some peace. Thanks for the inspiring post. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

lena said...

Everything do happen for a reason. Don't stop your life or wait for someone to come in to begin your life. take the time right now and have fun, do something you never did before!

amelia said...

Hi Tao.. I've been reading your blog for quite a long time but just have the courage to leave a comment now.. i'm from Indonesia and have been your loyal reader for 2 years :)

anyway, just want to let you know that you are such an inspiring and amazing person and i truly believe that you will have a bright future ahead in your love life and career

i'm 100% agree with you that everything happens for a reason.. and whatever happened in the past makes us what we are now.. not many people have the courage to take such a bold action as you had.. your post will inspire a lot of people and encourage them to be optimistic with their life esp. in hard times..

wishing u all the best and keep smiling :)

hugs and love,
amelia

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you~ you have the internet's support :D

Agnes said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and read this post. It may not seem like it right away, but this may be a blessing in disguise. Everything does happen for a reason, as you say. And although this chapter in your life has closed, there is a world of new experiences out there for you.

Karen said...

Aw Tao, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I've been following you for a while now (and I love your makeup reviews) and your positive outlook is always inspiring.

About a year ago, my ex and I split up for the same reason you and Nathan did. We just needed to grow on our own and the weirdest thing was that when we broke up, we both knew that it was for the best. Of course it's okay to be upset but we knew it was time. And we are both okay.

I think its so great that you managed to stay positive about everything <3. I wish you the best of luck in Atlanta!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tao,

I'm a high school student and have been a fan of your youtube channel for a while now. I love your down-to-earth personality and honesty, and I have to say I admire the positive attitude that you're bringing to this stressful situation. I can't say that I've been in your shoes, but I hope you stay strong and I will keep you in my prayers. We all love you! :)

- Diane

MDhopes2reality said...

Tao,
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I feel like I'm watching you evolve. You are doing a great job of handling things. You are wiser than your age for sure! Keep up your positive attitude.
As cliche as that saying is, I believe in it a 100%. I know it is true. And I also know 'You get what you give'. Keep doing all the great things your doing; one way or another, it will all pay off!
Have been loving your blog and youtube channel since I found you. xoxo

PSCLY said...

Hey Tao, I think I'm too young to say things like this but yes, everything really happens for a reason. Maybe you're right. It's probably because both of you need to focus on something or maybe it's because it's time for you to meet someone better. I agree with it. And I hope you continue to be strong and more independent. I sure hope that I could be more independent too. All the best and good luck for you! (LOVE YOUR BLOG btw!)

Love, Pascaley

If anyone has time, please check out my blog too!
http://pscly.blogspot.com.au/

Anonymous said...

Tao- I have never posted on your blog until now- AND I am going thru the exact same thing as you, exactly. Reading your post really made me feel better. Thanks for posting it, glad I am not the only one.

Ari said...

Hi Tao,

I just wanted to say that I am very impressed by your courage. Not everyone in your situation can handle things the way you did. Ending a long term relationship is very hard and everyone always says that time will heal all wounds however waiting for the passing of time is a horrible experience. There are no comforting words I can offer you. Nathan was your best friend and a pillar of sorts and I completely understand having someone of that stature in your life. Please know that we, your supporters are here for you.

Shizznizzle said...

Hey love, so sorry to hear that. Yes it's true how people grow each day and when they do, sometimes they also grow apart. You're one smart girl and matured enough to know what you want, so I'm sure everything will be fine, if not better from now on. Sometimes, all we need is a bit of a break to see things clearer :) Sending you my warmest virtual hug!!!

Stay positive, Tao <3

Kusanagi said...

Hi Tao. In 2010, going through LDR when N first moved to CO, you were strong (or you portrayed that) on your blog and YT videos. I want to encourage you to follow the path and remain strong even through this 2012 LDR/break. I don't know all the time if things happen for a reason but your strength and courage can carry you through anything! Be strong! You are wonderfully made, you mighty woman of strength!

Anonymous said...

Read every word - not in the least pointless. It's a breath of fresh air to see your attitude :) makes me reconsider mine. For what it's worth, probably not a lot, I admire you for these words.

PLANET JENESSA said...

awww so i was tagged to do a tag...and i did it but one of the requirements was to tag 11 other people, i figured if im tagging 11 people i might as well ask the questions to my favorite blogger.
so i tagged you if you dont mind, you dont have to do it.

http://planetjenessa.blogspot.com/2012/03/11-question-tag.html

here the link of the answers.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog on and off for the last couple of years. You are a wonderful person with inner and outer beauty. Best of luck with everything...

gabriella said...

Putao, I have followed you from one chinese forum to your youtube channel and now here. And I missed you from your youtube channel for quite a while. I don't know what to address to this issue cuz this is your life you must know better than any others. but I am also in devastating stage a year ago and now I am going through it and found new life orientation purely on my own wish and fits my goal of life. 山穷水尽疑无路,柳暗花明又一村. I am more on the second sentence, of course.It's beautiful to take turns in life:D Maybe someday, he's still at the corner, maybe there's other surprising things waiting~~May the force be with you!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Tao,

It's been a long time since your last update! I hope everything has been going well with you! What makeup you wearing now? :p Good luck!

Ethereal Prey said...

change can be scary at times, but sometimes it can be something you need. Always go with where life takes you, you never know what will happen next. good luck